Great moments in presidential health??
1755: Long before he is to be elected the nation’s first president, George Washington becomes violently ill after contracting dysentery while traveling through Western Pennsylvania with British Gen. Edward Braddock. Acting on the suggestion of an Indian scout, soldiers cover Washington in oatmeal, tie him to a tree and dance around him while chanting, “Oats! Oats! Oats! Oats! Then we throw him off the boat!” Luckily, there is no boat readily available, and Washington survives.
April 13, 1789: Washington takes the oath of office for the first time on an exterior balcony at Federal Hall in New York. In the address he would give to Congress later, the nation’s first president would coin the phrase “the sacred fire of liberty.” But first he turns to the assembled crowd below and says, “Hey, everyone! How y’all doin’? Before I go, I want to pass along this cure for dysentery …” Standing beside Washington, Benjamin Franklin looks down, places his hand over his eyes and shakes his head slowly.
July 4, 1803: President Thomas Jefferson announces that he has authorized the purchase of the Louisiana territory from Napoleon Bonaparte of France. “It’s big, really big,” Jefferson says. “Possibly the biggest piece of land on Earth. No one knows for sure. It could be. Probably is. Yes, it is. I know more about land than anyone, especially John Adams. But before I sign the agreement, let me pass along this remedy that Little Boney Boy – I call him that: Little Boney Boy – gave to me. I’m reading it now: ‘Wait! It’s in French! Why did no one tell me it was in French? Well, I eat at French restaurants, so I’ll translate: ‘If by gout your feet are plagued, pour boiling water on your legs.’ Hey … I’d do it! What have you got to lose?”
March 4, 1861: Closing his first inaugural address, President Abraham Lincoln coins the inspiring phrase “the better angels of our nature.” Then, folding his speech, he turns from the podium, but stops. He turns back toward the crowd. “I think I should tell this story that I think you’ll find amusing. “A senator, two lawyers and an Indian carrying a bottle of firewater walk into a doctor’s office …” Mary Lincoln pokes him in the ribs, and the tale is left untold.
March 4, 1933: Franklin Delano Roosevelt makes his first inaugural address from the East Portico of the U.S. Capitol. In the face of the Great Depression, FDR utters the unforgettable words, “…let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself …” He then pauses and adds “By the way, I notice that many of you have the hiccups today. I guess it’s the weather. My fellow Americans, let me pass along an old Roosevelt family cure for hiccups that involves gargling with anti-freeze …” The president’s lips continue to move, but his microphone inexplicably goes dead.
Jan. 20, 1961: John F. Kennedy addresses the nation on a freezing cold day in Washington, D.C., uttering the enduring words, “Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country!” He allows the applause to swell, seems to be thinking, then smiles and steps back toward the microphone. “You know, I’m Irish, and the Emerald Isles are known for folklore – leprechauns, pots of gold, banshees. But every once in a while, one of our tales can help in times of crisis, like these. Here’s one my grandfather told me: “Two priests, a rabbi and a Republican carrying a bottle of Clorox walk in to a hospital ward …” Outgoing President Dwight D. Eisenhower slaps Kennedy in the back of the head, and the tale is lost to history.