close

The old rules no longer apply

3 min read

Once upon a time, I had this awful temp job where the boss shoved a thick manual at me and said, “Figure it out.” No training. He just tossed a thick photocopied, spiral-bound book into my arms. At my desk, I tried to read the book and do the job at the same time. It was a lot like juggling bowling balls. On fire. Whenever I got the hang of it, he threw another lit bowling ball at me.

Kids, I am speaking figuratively. Don’t set bowling balls on fire and try to juggle them. They’re hot and heavy.

Every time I did something wrong, the boss would ask, “Why’d you do it that way?” And I would say, “It’s in the manual.”

Side note: I like to be right all the time. I have a superiority/inferiority complex. It sounds dichotomous, but it’s possible to have both. I think I’m terrible, but I think I’m less terrible than everyone else.

But I digress, like I do. The boss couldn’t understand why I was doing things “old school,” when I was a temp who had just arrived on the scene. Were the old timers messing with the rookie? Nope. I was a temp; the old timers didn’t even talk to me. They didn’t even bother to know my name. After all, I was just passing through.

One day, my boss had nearly blown a gasket because of an error I made. I insisted I did it the right way and took the manual to my boss’ desk to prove the method to my madness. He thought I was purposely trying to make him crazy.

P.S. If I was going to gaslight someone, I would have picked someone richer and more attractive.

I flipped to the page to justify my reasoning and said, “See. It’s right here,” and pointed.

He looked at the book and yelled, “Who gave you this?”

I sputtered out a weak little answer: “You did.” It was barely audible.

He said, “This is the old manual!”

He tossed it in the garbage. I heard the tinny clank of the spiral-bound spine hitting the metal receptacle. He grabbed a new manual and sent me out of his office. I had to relearn the job, basically from scratch, but I made far fewer mistakes after that.

They finally hired someone full time and no longer needed me. I remember leaving that office on the last day and doing a little jig. My happy dance.

Additional side note: That same boss sat with the new hire and went over the manual page-by-page. The newly hired employee happened to be a beautiful young woman with long dark hair, but whatever, dude.

This whole year reminds me of that time. I keep trying to do things the 2019 way, but I’m working with the old rules. By the time, I figure out the rules for 2020, it’ll be 2021 and we will have to learn everything all over again. But I’m up for it.

CUSTOMER LOGIN

If you have an account and are registered for online access, sign in with your email address and password below.

NEW CUSTOMERS/UNREGISTERED ACCOUNTS

Never been a subscriber and want to subscribe, click the Subscribe button below.

Starting at $3.75/week.

Subscribe Today