Sit down, standup
Dear COVID-19, I miss standing up in front of people and telling jokes. I miss the laughter – and the occasional groan.
I can just hear longtime readers going, “Occasional groan? Dude! Have you heard you? You’re 99% groan with a small smile once in a while.” OK. Stop rhyming and read on.
I miss doing standup in front of a live audience. If you’re thinking, “Why do people say ‘live’ audience? Isn’t that redundant?” It’s actually not as redundant as you think … I played a funeral once, but that’s a different story.
There was a lot of joy, standing up in front of people, telling jokes. Some of you probably miss being out in public, hearing the jokes. It’s a good time. Mostly. I mean, there’s the two-drink minimum. That’s annoying, especially when they want to charge you 12 bucks for one bottle of Heineken. Or the part where you eat bar food, like nachos with fluorescent yellow cheese or lukewarm potato skins that are more skin than potato.
But I digress, like I do. On Wednesday, June 3, I am going to be doing standup comedy in a benefit for Junior Achievement. They are having a virtual variety show, hosted by KDKA’s Larry Richert. I am excited to be performing again, but I’m also a little apprehensive.
I’m literally and figuratively phoning it in. I’m Zooming my comedy out to the people, screen to screen. I always thought the future would be more George Jetson and not so much opening sequence to “The Brady Bunch,” but there you have it. I’m going to be a head in a box. Still, I get to make people laugh again.
On one hand, it will be the first time I will perform without pants. I’m pulling – what is now known in the business as – a “Will Reeve.” He’s the newscaster son of Superman. You dress up, but only your top half has clothes on. Of course, if I jump up suddenly, they’ll have to move the broadcast to Cinemax.
It’s weird to do comedy without hearing the audience feedback. I will performing in a vacuum. The way I go in circles, it’s really a Roomba.
Silence is the enemy of comedy. When a joke doesn’t work in a comedy club, there’s a chance to redeem it. You gauge your audience reaction and if it’s a real stinker you switch subjects – fast.
If it’s a big bomb, you get the heck off the stage. I’ve known quite a few comedians who overstayed their welcome – in a laugh-free zone – but they are, at the very least, tenacious.
It’s the laughter I miss. I want to hear you guys smile, giggle, guffaw or just go, “Oh, geez. I heard this one.”
Join us if you can. It’s for a good cause, and Scott Blasey of the Clarks is the headliner. You can mute me and wait for Scott to sing. If you want to join us, or just donate to Junior Achievement, click here: https://secure.qgiv.com/event/yinzernight/.