Nov 9, 2020 4 min read

Lessons I have learned during lockdown:

• People do not know how to read the “Wrong Way” directional signs placed on the floor of each aisle of a supermarket.
• The current crop of Americans would not have made it through the four years of rationing during WWII – they can’t even make it through six months of being asked to wear a face mask. Addendums: 1.) Nightclub owners who say they have strict rules about requiring patrons to wear face masks unless they are eating or drinking at a table will not enforce the rules because they fear the patrons will leave if they do so. 2.) Some nightclub owners think that because their establishment is off the beaten path, coronavirus will not be able to find it. Or if it does, it will not pay a cover charge.
• If you live with a dog that stands 5 feet tall on its hind legs, it is not safe to leave a bagel on the kitchen counter while you make tea.
• No matter how many political signs you have in your front yard, you still have only one vote. Addendum: If you decide to print and hang your own banner dissing your candidate’s opponent, only you look stupid if you call him a “bafoon.”
• Facebook cares only about money. Facebook routinely allows certain advertisers to run ads that have a celebrity’s head Photoshopped onto the body of a model holding up a picture or T-shirt or wall hanging. It implies the celebrity is endorsing that product. C’mon, Facebook … do you really think that Robert Downey Jr., Neal DeGrasse Tyson or Jimmy Page will allow their likenesses to be used to sell a poster that you can buy at a flea market for $5? How many times do I have to report it? Why do you pull the ad, then let the company do it again hours later under another name? Could it be that they’re too busy policing political lies and hate speech? Nah…. Facebook cares only about money.
• It’s tough out there for a Nigerian prince. I received this email last week (syntax is the sender’s): “Good day, I am Andrew Clement. My late client whose relatives I cannot get in touch with, But both of you have the same last name and it will be easy to front you as his official next of kin. I am compelled to do this because I would not want the bank to confiscate my client funds into their treasury as unclaimed inheritance. Your urgent response is needed for more comprehensive details on what we are to do, Sincerely”

Andrew doesn’t say where he is located. But we all remember when someone claiming to be a Nigerian prince emailed us to say that he had been left a shoebox filled with $50,000 by a deceased government official. He would split the money with you, he promised, if you would simply wire $1,000 good-faith money and give him your bank account numbers and password so he could deposit your half of the booty. Sometimes he claimed that God had given him your name as a reliable contact.

Here’s what I learned then:

1.) Andrew ain’t a Nigerian prince.

2). Andrew ain’t got no money.

3. God don’t give out no contact info.

– The most technologically advanced nation on the planet can give you streaming video on every device imaginable, but it can’t count ballots efficiently.