How can anyone be against breastfeeding?
Q. I hope you remember me. I was a teen mom in the 1990s. You were my teacher and my doula. I’ve moved away and haven’t been in touch, but something just happened that made me write to you.
You see, the baby I had when I was 15 is now 26. She’s expecting her first child. We’re very close. She’s my only. I like her husband, but I’ve encountered something I did not expect. His family is against breastfeeding.
How can anyone be against breastfeeding?
You helped me nurse my baby when I was a teen and I know how important it is to breastfeed. What should I say to my son-in-law?
I know he loves my daughter, but I don’t know how much he will agree with his parents over her. I also know I should stay out of their decisions, but this one is hard. If a 15-year-old can breastfeed while going to high school, anyone can breastfeed. By the way, I graduated college and I teach. Every day in my classroom, I remember you helping me find self-worth. I pass that on to my students.
Former Teen Mother
Mary Jo’s response: Of course I remember you! I remember your birth and the courageous, joyful way you parented your little one. I remember your strength. I am not surprised you followed your dream to teach. I am grateful for your kind and generous words. They are a great gift to me. I am thrilled you empower your students to find self-worth!
You raise an important question, although not about breastfeeding. I could easily list all the positives of nursing a baby, but you know them. The question behind your question isn’t about how to feed an infant, but about how to be at peace with the decisions your daughter will make as a parent.
I am a breastfeeding advocate. I’ve taught breastfeeding to new parents since the 1970s and I nursed all three of my own babies. Even beyond the obvious nutritional and health benefits, emotional connection and bonding are enhanced by breastfeeding. It’s great for both mother and baby.
With a teen mom, there’s another reason I believe in breastfeeding – it identifies the teen as the primary caregiver for the newborn. A young mother can face criticism and judgment about how she parents. If she nurses her baby, she is the primary source of food and comfort. No one can provide the nurturing she can. I love to see that connection grow and breastfeeding helps.
You pondered how your son-in-law would react if he had to choose between what his wife wants and his parents’ opinions. You didn’t mention how your son-in-law or your daughter feel about breastfeeding.
Talk with them.
You might want to talk with your daughter first. Listen to her. Hear her. Share the positive connection you had when you nursed her. The very best testimony for positive breastfeeding is your own story.
This may be difficult, but trusting your daughter’s parenting choices is huge. Unless you believe your grandchild is in danger, allow her to find her parenting style. You may feel breastfeeding is so important that feeding formula is detrimental for your grandchild. In that case, you will need to be honest with both your daughter and her husband. Holding back will only lead to resentment.
Be respectful and kind.
You once discovered independence as a young mother. Your daughter will do the same. I hope all goes well and wish your daughter a smooth birth with a healthy baby and mom, and an easy postpartum adjustment. May your new grandbaby love sleeping at night!
Welcome to grandmotherhood. It’s the best job ever!
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.