Aug 12, 2021 5 min read

Q. Am I the only kid worried about going back to school? Most kids I know are all excited and stuff, but I’m scared to death.

I loved virtual school.

I didn’t need to worry about how I dressed or if people would make fun of me for how I dressed or what I had for lunch or the way my older brothers acted when they went to my school. I don’t like talking in class at all and I was always afraid I would get called on. I spent most of the time just worrying about that.

Online, I could duck out if I was feeling scared. I did that a lot at first, but my teachers were good and they made me feel safe. I started liking talking by writing down my answers. I liked that I could only see part of my classmates … just their faces.

I liked staying home. I felt safe.

No one bullied me. Now, face to face in person means all the bad things that happened to me in fifth grade before lockdown will start again. I wish I could do seventh grade online too. Thanks for listening to me.

13-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: You have the right to feel safe at school. You should have classes where you are not bullied or made fun of by others. You are worthy of good things.

Your worry and fear are normal for the situations you describe. I don’t know where you attend school, but I promise to connect with your school and your family if you wish. I’m glad you found the courage to text me, but it’s not enough for me to reassure you. I want to be sure you find resources to help you.

First, have you shared what you told me with any other adult?

I can imagine it is challenging to do so, especially if you are most comfortable writing answers online. A lot of people are uncomfortable talking in a group. Remember how you improved over time in your online classes? You could grow to feel better talking in class, too. For now, what if you wrote to a parent or other trusted adult? You could simply showed them this column in the newspaper and say, “this is me.”

There’s nothing easy about being mocked.

It’s mean to make fun of how someone dresses or what they eat for lunch. It’s not OK for you to be judged by your older brothers’ behavior. It’s not OK for you to experience bullying. Trusted adults at home and at school can help you before school starts.

Second, I want to tell you how important you are.

There is only one you. You are unique and amazing. You are magnificent. You are not your brothers. You are not defined by your clothing or your food choices. You are you, a one-of-a-kind human who has never been on this earth before and never will be again. Think of it. There is beauty and strength in you.

Third, I agree, you should not return to the way things were in fifth grade before lockdown. Attending school in-person without harassment is your right. If you wanted to attend online classes because you feel you learn well virtually, I would support you, but it sounds like your fears are from the way you were treated in the past. This, my friend, needs to change. It’s not your fault.

What do you think of this plan?

1. Share your feelings with a parent or trusted adult first.

2. Encourage this adult to connect with the guidance counselor at your school.

3. Since it’s easier for you, write down what would make you feel safe at school. For example, a trusted teacher could be your safe person; the guidance office could be your safe space.

4. Many communities have free clothing closets for young people who could use a little help with back to school supplies. There’s one in my community. It’s called Kids Kloset. They can be found on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ourkidskloset/

5. Most schools have lunch programs. Your trusted adult can check into those.

6. Bullying prevention programs teach young people how to be empathic, involved bystanders. I’m a certified Olweus Bullying Prevention Program Trainer. I work with schools to model respectful behavior. You deserve respect.

You’re not the only kid who feels scared. Going back to school in-person can be frightening. You need to feel safe when you return. You do not need to do this alone.

Please continue to connect. I want you to learn and grow in a nurturing environment. May this school year be a great one!

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.