The Binary Oracle
I spend some time every week researching weird news. I do it for you. So that you don’t have to visit all the strange corners of the internet. Somehow, these corners lead to porn … so it’s more like a circle or a cul de sac. All roads lead to nakedness.
The computer is like the Oracle of Delphi. It knows all the answers, but you must frame your question in the right way, or else you get a mystery. It is the Binary Oracle.
I’ve learned quite a lot this week on the fringes of the news. I’m going to share my top three bits o’ weirdness.
Last week, Yvette Amos spoke to the BBC about her job hunting. She should have been more discreet about where she chose to set up her video call. If you looked closely at her bookshelf, you could see how she’s been filling up her time since she’s been unemployed. While on a Zoom call with the prestigious BBC, Amos left a sex toy on her bookshelf. The “object” was spotted by a few eagle-eyed viewers.
Am I the only one worried about her future job search? She may get hired for the wrong reasons.
Side note: I hope you can see how researching that story can lead someone down a naughty path. You have to be very careful selecting words to search for it. But, then again, I tried to order a volleyball online from Dick’s Sporting Goods. Make sure you type in “Sporting Goods.”
P.S. Did you know that NSFW means Not Safe For Work? I found out the hard way.
But I digress, like I do. I saw quite a few unusual headlines in 2021 already – and it just started.
On Jan. 29, I read that scientists are trying to determine why wombat feces is cube-shaped. The marsupial poops in blocks.
Last year around this time, I met my first wombat – a Northern hairy-nosed wombat to be precise – in a zoo outside of Melbourne, Australia. I did not learn anything about their droppings. I did, however, learn that wombats are very antisocial creatures. Probably because scientists are looking up their wombat wazoos.
University of Tasmania wildlife ecologist Scott Carver, who worked on the study, had a sense of humor about his job. He said, “Our research proves that you can fit a square peg through a round hole.”
Once again, I urge caution if you research this subject on the internet. Do not browse while eating.
Last Monday, six people in Hollywood, Calif., marched up to the iconic Hollywood sign, in broad daylight, mind you, and swapped out the W and D with Bs as if they were Letter-Man’s villainous wizard, Spell Binder, from “The Electric Company.” The sign read Hollyboob.
I might have to call it Hollyboob from now on (cue Beavis and Butthead laugh).
Whatever you do, don’t look up big boobs in Hollywood. Or do.
I don’t know how you choose to spend your time. Just remember these letters: NSFW.