Emotional abuse can be damaging to person’s emotional health, sense of worth
Q. How can you tell if a friend is being emotionally abused? My other friends and I are worried. One of our friends acts like he might be. His parents got divorced two years ago and his mom remarried. We’ve watched him change for the worse. He used to be loud and funny and full of fun, but now he’s quiet and hardly ever hangs out with us. He was competitive in school and now his grades are dropping.
I’ve personally heard his step dad call him stupid and ugly and mock him. My other friend heard his stepdad say he was worthless. Another friend heard his stepdad threaten to hurt him if he didn’t listen to him.
You always teach us about our self-worth. I’m worried my friend’s self-worth is in danger. I can’t get him to go to the Teen Center. I don’t think he’s allowed to go. What can I do?
17-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: You were wise to write. Emotional abuse is real and can be damaging to a person’s emotional health and sense of worth.
I’ll explain emotional abuse, but first I want to answer your question. There are things you can do. You can tell a trusted adult. You already told me, and that’s a great first step. Please speak with your parents. They may be able to intervene directly in your friend’s family. After you speak with your parents, ask them to help you talk with your school counselor, a coach, a teacher, a youth minister, or any other trusted adult who knows your friend. If needed, I will report the abuse, I will just need more information. Let’s stay connected.
Anyone can report abuse by using the ChildLine at 1-800-932-0313.
It can be difficult to recognize the signs of emotional abuse or neglect. A key to understanding is the behavior happens over time. One moment of anger, where parents say hurtful words, while not ideal, does not constitute abuse.
According to the U.S. government – www.childwelfare.gov/ – emotional abuse, or psychological abuse, is a pattern of behavior that impairs a child’s emotional development or sense of self-worth. This may include constant criticism, threats, or rejection as well as withholding love, support, or guidance.
Teens experiencing emotional abuse may:
- Seem isolated from their parents;
- Lack social skills;
- Have few friends;
- Struggle to control their emotions.
Some of the changes you’re describing in your friend could indicate depression. Your friend may feel he has nowhere to turn for support. Living with an adult who abuses a young person emotionally can be frightening. Your friend may fear his life will get worse if he shares what’s happening.
I’m also concerned about your friend’s mom. She may be living in an abusive relationship. The 24 hour Hotline for Domestic Violence Services of Southwestern Pennsylvania is 1-800-791-4000.
It takes courage to speak up. I’m proud of you. You’re a good friend. You’re not alone and neither is your friend.
Peer Educator Response: Being put down isn’t OK. Mary Jo is right, you’re a good friend. Stand by your friend no matter what happens. If his family changes as a result of the abuse, he will need you.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.