September song
“Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
It’s not quite fall, but I daren’t argue with the man who created “The Great Gatsby.” And so, just as life starts over, so too does our sporadic News Quiz. And remember, you needn’t give your answer in the form of a question.
1. The McDonald’s fast-food chain raised eyebrows last week by revealing that:
a) There is no meat in its hamburgers.
b) There is meat in its hamburgers, but no one is sure exactly what kind of meat it is.
c) Its purple Grimace character, long the subject of speculation as to exactly what it is, is actually a giant taste bud.
d) When you create a character to imply that your food is tasty, you shouldn’t name it Grimace.
2. On Aug. 21, the FDA tweeted: “You are not a horse. You are not a cow. Seriously, y’all. Stop it!” Why?
a) Unable to find cheap housing, people had begun to live in barns.
b) In an effort to offset the rapidly rising cost of groceries, people had begun to buy cattle feed.
c) Not trusting the current offerings of COVID-19 vaccines, people had begun to take ivermectin, a deworming agent for cattle and horses.
d) FDA staffers were planning to dress as cows and horses on Halloween and didn’t want the costumes to sell out prematurely.
3. A Wisconsin woman drew attention to her Facebook page after she posted a video of:
a) A car with tires that appeared to be made of cheese wheels.
b) A cow in the back seat of a Buick in line at a McDonald’s drive-thru window.
c) Ronald McDonald going into the restaurant while carrying a Burger King bag.
d) Two FDA staffers dressed as cows leaving the restaurant.
4. Disney World raised eyebrows last month by revealing that it planned to:
a) Offer free admission to anyone showing proof of vaccination against COVID-19.
b) Move the entire park to Michigan because Florida “is too humid.”
c) Develop hyper-realistic, “sentient” robot versions of Disney characters that would roam the park freely and have the ability to respond to visitors’ actions.
d) Close its “Hall of Presidents” attraction because the audio-animatronic Donald Trump refused to let audio-animatronic Joe Biden have a seat.
5. Tik-Tok banned videos of the so-called “milk crate challenge” – which asked participants to climb a pyramid constructed of plastic milk crates – because:
a) Many participants had received serious injuries when falling off the crates.
b) Tik-Tok had used up its 2021 quota of idiotic videos.
c) A rival platform called Tok-Tik that ran Tik-Tok videos in reverse had more visitors.
d) Anheuser-Busch brewing demanded equal time for its “beer case challenge.”
Ratings
5 correct: Your knowledge of current events is second only to that of a third-grader
3-4 correct: You should run for a seat on your local school board.
1-2 correct: You should run for Congress.
0 correct: You should run.