Feb 3, 2022 4 min read

Q. I lost my best friend. We’ve been friends since third grade. All of a sudden, she’s so mean and ignores me. I tried asking her what was wrong. She just laughed at me and went off with her new friends. I could hear them talking about me. I don’t know what I did. My mom says I’ll make new friends. It feels like I won’t. I’m sad. How long will this hurt like this?

11-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: I know this hurts. Losing a best friend cuts deep. You’re sad because you’re experiencing a loss. You’ve lost a friendship and you weren’t ready to give it up. I don’t know how long it will hurt, but I know it will get better.

When we experience a loss, we need to take time to grieve. Each of us reacts to loss differently; each of us feels pain in our own way. You say you are sad. I think sad is a normal feeling for this loss.

It’s OK to feel sad.

It’s also important to keep talking with your mom. I’m guessing you don’t want to talk about making new friends right now. That’s OK. Your mom wants you to realize how worthy you are and how others will enjoy being your friend. You are worthy. You are important.

Listen to your feelings. When you’re ready to make new friends, get involved in activities where you can meet people who like the same things you like. You can start a conversation with someone in school. People like to be listened to – show interest in other people. Be real. Be yourself.

I believe in you. Good luck. Please keep in touch. I care about what’s happening in your life.

Peer Educator Response: You’re in fifth grade, right? Fifth and sixth grade are the worst. We lost and gained friendships a lot then. You’ve got this. We have Youth Nights twice a month at our Teen Center from 6 to 8 p.m. the first and third Wednesdays of each month. Come over. You’ll make friends with us!

Q. My dog died a week ago and I can’t seem to stop missing him. My gram said, get over it. She said people have real losses in life. I know, but it’s not that easy. Have I missed him too long? He was my dog all my life that I can remember.

12-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: Losing a beloved pet is hard. As I said to the questioner above, loss is different for each of us. It’s OK to grieve your dog. It’s OK to miss him. It’s OK to feel badly. It gets better, but not right away.

A teen once told me she heard grief is like the waves in the ocean – it catches you and then goes away. She said, no, she thought grief was like a tsunami – when you feel it, it can pull you down.

Find friends or family members to listen to your feelings. I am happy to continue chatting. I’m here.

Peer Educator Response: You lost your dog, dude! Of course you’re sad. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you it’s not OK to miss him. You’ll be OK, but it is perfectly normal to be sad.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.