The guessing game
The conversation began innocently enough, but it could have turned ugly fast. I was chatting with an older woman at the post office, and she said, “You’ll never guess how old I am,” and she was right. I never would have guessed. It wasn’t because I was astonished that she was much younger than I thought. I didn’t play her game. I wasn’t about to shout out random numbers to appease some lady standing in line. Instead, I said, “Just tell me.”
She was only slightly older than I thought she was, but I pretended to be flabbergasted and replied, “I had no idea!”
I’m pretty sure you have to be over 65 before you ask strangers in the post office to guess your age.
But I digress, like I do. Guessing is the Kobayashi Maru, a no-win scenario. If I guess too old, then she’s offended. If I guess too young, she’d think I was lying. Why put us both through that? I just wanted to get a stamp on an oversized package and get the heck out of there. I didn’t want to play a guessing game with a stranger.
Take my advice: The best way to skate through life is always say, “What?” when people say, “Guess what?”
If you have exciting news, just tell me. Don’t torture me.
Back at college, my friend Tony had auditioned for a production of “Camelot” by singing “C’est moi!”
Afterward, he came galloping toward me with a big smile on his face.
He beamed, “Guess what?”
Naturally, I responded with, “You got the part! You’re Lancelot!”
Tony bowed his head and said, “I’m Sir Dinadan. In the chorus.”
Who ruined his day? C’est moi! C’est moi. I’m forced to admit. Tis I, I humbly reply.
Ever since that day, I cringe when someone says, “Guess what?”
If you make me guess, we could both be pulled into the vortex of the worse-case scenario. Ever hang out with a man or woman who is constantly complaining about their boyfriend/girlfriend? Then, one day this person comes up to you and goes, “Guess what?”
You want to say, “You finally kicked jerk-face to the curb?” But, luckily, you don’t say it out loud, because that’s usually when they announce their engagement to said jerk-face.
If you say it out loud, you can, however, easily guess who isn’t invited to the wedding.
By the way, the person with big news to share doesn’t want you to get the right answer either.
I met a friend at the movie theater once and he pulled out the old “Guess what?”
I replied, “You bought a new car?”
“Yeah. How’d you guess?”
I snapped back, “You drove here.”
Don’t pull that trick on someone who always shows up early.
You realize you can speed up any conversation if you walk up to me and say, “I bought a new car!” “I’m engaged,” or “I’m 72 years old today!” I promise I will be excited for you.