May 5, 2022 3 min read

Q. What if I never find someone? Or no one ever finds me? Everyone I know has someone. Everyone I know is in a perfect relationship. I feel so alone. I can’t believe I’m actually telling you this, but I worry a lot. I don’t know a single successful relationship. My parents are divorced, my grandparents are divorced, my aunts and uncles are or never married. I don’t want to be like that. It sounds cliché but Queen was right. I really do want somebody to love.

– 15-year- old

Mary Jo’s Response: I want you to have somebody to love, too. I’m glad you told me.

You are not your parents, or your grandparents, or anyone else in our family. You’re you. Your life is yours. The choices you make are yours.

I’ve listened to young people talk about their fear of being alone for decades. It’s challenging to watch others seem happy in relationships. It’s lonely to feel as if everyone is paired with someone who cares. The truth is not everyone is in a happy relationship; from the outside, couples may seem to be perfect. Relationships seldom are what they seem.

The pandemic made social connections difficult. Isolating and learning virtually made many teens lose the opportunity to practice basic social skills, like simply talking with others. It will take time to recover. Be kind to yourself. Baby steps.

Here are some hints:

• Be your own person. When you meet someone, show them who you are. A healthy relationship is built on trust and honesty. You’re worth waiting for because you are worthy, just as you are.
• Make friends. Listen to others. People love to be heard. Think about what others may need and be kind.
• Stay present. One of the best ways to enjoy life is to focus on today without projecting to the future. I know this isn’t always easy, but learning to minimize our worry about what we cannot change is a great life skill.
• Try to be positive. Visualize yourself in a healthy relationship. Know what you want in a partner. Notice the way successful relationships work and concentrate on being the kind of person who could be in a healthy relationship.
• Volunteer. If we are involved in activities that support other people, it is easier to center on the good we have instead of what is missing in our lives.

Come to our Common Ground Teen Center at 92 N. Main St. in Washington. We are open Monday through Friday, 4 to 8 p.m. The center is a safe space where you can hang out with other teens, cook, talk about books, art or anime, play music, watch movies, and play games. You won’t be alone there.

Remember, you are worthy.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.