Apr 6, 2023 4 min read

Q. How can I get my parents to treat me like I’m not a little kid? How can I get them to understand that social media is just how my generation communicates? I showed them your last week’s column and they improved for about a day, then they were back to nagging me. “Get off that phone” – I hear that over and over. The harsh reality is I’m not even on my phone much. We have a device-free dinner rule, and I don’t violate it. I’m always present when I play with my younger sibs. My grades are great – all A’s. I play three sports well. I go to church youth group. I hold down a part-time job. I do my chores. Do I like my phone? Sure, but they like their phones too. I pay for my phone with my own money. This is making me dread contact with them, and I don’t want to feel that way. I will leave for college in the fall. I’m already accepted. How can I get them to trust me?

– 18-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: I’ll respond to your last question first. Trust is earned, day by day. It sounds as if you’ve earned it well. Your list of accomplishments is impressive – congratulations on your college acceptance. I especially love the way you say you are “present” when you play with your younger siblings. I believe you’ve earned the right to be trusted.

You ask about your parents treating you as if you’re not a little kid. If you work, are involved in your church’s youth group, maintain good grades and a busy sports schedule, and contribute to your family by following rules and doing chores, you certainly aren’t acting like a child. Your actions speak to your maturity.

It’s important to establish and maintain a good relationship with your parents before you go to college. It’s easy for parents to become worried. Show them this column and tell them you want to talk about your concerns. If you adhere to a device-free dinner space, maybe you could set parameters for phone usage that would show them your willingness to respect their wishes. This is an important time in your life; I want you to enjoy graduation and this summer without tension at home. I hope your parents agree.

Peer educator response: Wow! Your resume is indeed impressive. Your parents need to realize how awesome you are and give you a break! Every teen uses phones.

Q. I went to college this year. When I was home for break, my parents constantly told me to get off my phone. I understand they worry about me, but I do quite well at school. Suddenly, I’m home and it’s as if I’m 13 again. I’m not on my phone any more than my parents are on their phones! It’s how I connect with my college friends and reunite with my high school ones. Social media is part of my generation’s culture. I appreciate you listening. – 19-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: Returning home after spending time on your own at college can be a culture shock. Many young adults have shared feelings like yours – they walk into their home and feel like they’re still young teens. Try talking with your parents honestly and respectfully. I agree, social media is a big part of your culture. Good luck.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.