When is too young or old to have a romantic relationship?
Q. Is there a time when you’re too young or too old to be in a relationship? I’m asking because I think I’m ready but I’m afraid to ask my mom about it. My mom is chill and talks with me about everything. I think I’m worried because she’ll say I’m too young. And then my grandma just turned 80 and she has a new boyfriend. Is she too old?
What do you think? – 13-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: What an insightful question!
You may be surprised when I say both you and your grandma are already in many relationships. When I wrote my book, “Nonnie Talks about Relationships,” I explored types of relationships. Often people assume relationship means a romantic partner, but the reality is relationships vary.
When we’re born, we are usually part of a family relationship. Families are different, and some include extended family like grandparents, cousins, and godparents. We develop relationships with friends. Our teachers form relationships with us, as do our coaches. Once we get a job, we form relationships with co-workers and employers.
I believe the relationships we develop as we grow help us decide what kind of person with whom we want to have a long-term relationship – if we choose to have one.
I’m guessing you’re referring to the romantic kind of relationship, but I want to remind you how important other relationships are to emotional health.
I said your question is insightful because I honor your ability to see life through more than one perspective. You consider your own readiness for a relationship while thinking of your grandma and her new relationship.
Age can be a factor in relationship readiness. Let’s start with your age. Many parents think 13 is too young for a romantic relationship. My first question is what type of romantic relationship? If two 13-year-olds have a crush on each other, spend time at school or even at a Teen Center doing homework, watching movies, or playing games, I think we’re actually talking about a friend relationship with a fancy label. Early adolescence is a great time to develop friendships. You are certainly not too young for friends.
If the relationship becomes serious, it’s important to consider maturity. Maturity refers to how adult-like a person is, and includes responsibility, trustworthiness, and decision-making. A person can be physically mature, in body, but emotionally immature, in mind. This is why talking with your mom is so important. It sounds as if she’s the kind of parent who will listen. Give her a chance. She knows you well. She’ll be able to help you see what type of relationship you want and why you want it. She’ll know how mature you are right now and how to match your maturity to a relationship.
Teens often rush into adult-like relationships. My opinion is a person has an entire adult life for those kinds of relationships. For now, have fun. Enjoy lots of friends. Hang out with a group of young people. Leave serious relationships for later.
Your grandma is not too old for a relationship. Life is a grand journey. I’m glad she’s well and able to enjoy companionship.
I wish you and your grandma health and joy and wonderful relationships.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.