Bodies, sexuality should be discussed openly at early age
Q. Why do people feel uncomfortable talking about sex and bodies? – 15-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: Not everyone feels uncomfortable. After teaching sexuality since the early 1980s, I believe discomfort with sex and bodies is cultural. Let me explain.
Culture has been described as a way of life. It covers all aspects of society, including traditions, the arts, laws, the way people dress, architecture, moral and social standards, and customs.
The families in which we are raised create a culture; children then learn the culture of their schools and communities. I’ve introduced Teen Outreach programs in 48 schools in five counties – each of those schools has its own culture. The United States is one nation made of 50 states, and each state consists of counties and cities. All those entities create culture.
Your question may reflect the discomfort your family feels when talking about sex and bodies, or it could come from the feeling you have among friends or at your school.
Some parents avoid the topic of sexuality completely or have an awkward “sex talk” at puberty. In truth, human sexuality is part of the full spectrum of life and bodies should be discussed openly when children are small. We give our babies messages about their own bodies from birth on, even when we are silent. When we name body parts correctly, we affirm positive body image and begin to empower self-worth. When we teach consent, starting with non-sexual topics like tickling, we teach preschoolers their bodies are their own. When we use TV shows and movies to discuss healthy and unhealthy relationships, we model ways young people can make wise choices.
I was raised in an Italian/American culture, where my parents were open about bodies and honest about relationships. I was never uncomfortable talking about sex.
I’m happy to chat more with you or with your family. It can help to have a non-family member introduce the topic.
You are a person of worth. Knowledge about your body is important.
Peer Educator Alumni Response: I taught with Mary Jo all through high school. Being a peer educator with her made me very comfortable learning about every topic. I was even a peer educator and an RA in college. I’m now a parent of two boys, ages 12 and 14. I am open and at ease talking with them. If you were raised to be uncomfortable with sex and bodies, you can break that cycle. Good luck!
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.