Jan 26, 2023 3 min read

Q. Is it possible to have a healthy relationship after getting out of a toxic one? How can I tell if this new one is better? I’m scared to try again. Thank you. I don’t know who else to ask.

– 17-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: What a relief it must be to be out of an unhealthy relationship! I’m so glad you reached out to me.

Yes, it is possible to have a healthy relationship after a bad experience. It takes courage to move forward. I applaud your willingness to try again, even if frightened.

Anytime we’re afraid, it helps to seek support. I’m here. It also helps to make connections with friends and family. Processing a negative relationship experience takes time. Be patient; be kind to yourself and give yourself the grace to try again.

Remember:

You are worthy of a healthy relationship. It’s easy to blame self. Work through the trauma of your past experiences with a counselor if possible. Remind yourself you deserve a positive partner.

Be alert to red flags and green flags early in a new relationship. Does your new partner make you feel good about yourself? Do you feel safe in the relationship?

It’s OK to be single. Rushing into another relationship when vulnerable may not be wise.

Some green and red flags include:

Mutual respect. In a healthy relationship, both parties genuinely honor boundaries, listen to each person’s needs, and offer support for dreams. Be aware of behavior you may remember from your last experience. Unhealthy relationships often involve disrespect and feelings of isolation.

Consent. Healthy relationships are based on consent. Both people should feel safe. In contrast, unhealthy relationships may include pressure to do things that feel wrong.

Communication. The foundation of a healthy relationship is the ability to be open and feel secure in expressing thoughts and opinions. Flexibility and a positive reaction to change is key to positive partnerships. Mistrust, violence, and threats have no place in a healthy relationship.

Mutual support. Each partner should feel supported in their life choices.

Freedom to grow. Control is a hallmark of an unhealthy relationship. In a healthy one, each person has the freedom to be who they are.

Please give yourself time to heal. I wish you joy and peace.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.