Bear on a binge
Move over Cocaine Bear, Hollywood has a new ursine hero. In late May, a black bear barged into a bakery and nabbed 60 cupcakes in Avon, Conn. That sweet tooth is sharp!
The bear strolled up to the workers of Taste by Spellbound while they were in the garage loading cakes into a van for delivery. Maureen Williams alerted the bakery owner Miriam Stephens by screaming bloody murder (a direct quote from the Associated Press news story).
The bear helped himself to the cupcakes. Williams told the local TV station, WTNH, that she shouted to scare off the bear.
Um. Sure, Maureen. That’s exactly what I would do under the circumstances. I would shout in a glass-breaking pitch, but … you know … to scare the thing. Not because I was terrified or anything. I bet my heart attack would scare it, too.
The bear, hearing her screams, retreated but kept coming back. He was intent on getting dessert.
Williams then told the TV station that the bear charged her, and she backed out of the garage and ran.
Now, this part, I believe. You would not want to turn your back on a bear they are vicious gossips.
Surveillance video shows the bakery workers walking around to the side of the building trying to scare the bear, but then hastily retreating … i.e running away … after the bear scared them back.
The news story does not say if he ate the cupcakes on site or ran off with them like Yogi Bear with a picnic basket. I’m curious. Did he have a favorite flavor? Is there one he didn’t like?
I picture the bear grabbing a pink cake box and individually selecting them. He picked out exactly five dozen.
Taste by Spellbound has a wonderful selection of cupcakes. You can’t blame a bear for wanting to try them all. They have Red Velvet, Vanilla, Chocolate, Marble, Carrot, Champagne, Pineapple and Funfetti, with an equally marvelous selection of fillings such as Raspberry Preserve, Strawberry Jam, Salted Caramel, Chocolate Mousse, Lemon Curd, German Chocolate and Cheesecake Mousse.
He got angry when he found out they only make the Pumpkin Spice Cupcake in October and November.
I wonder if he has any regrets. I picture him back in his cave musing, “I should have stopped at 50.” Maybe he was thinking, “I should have seen if they had milk in the breakroom.”
I couldn’t possibly eat two cupcakes without going into sugar shock. The fact that he walked off into the woods after devouring 60 cupcakes makes him a hero in my book. I would need to snuggle up on the couch with Netflix. Stat!
Can someone check this bear for “the dia-beetus?”
This summer you’ll catch him in the park, Jazzercising or “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” to work off those extra pounds.
Hollywood, this is the movie I want to see. Not Cocaine Bear … Cupcake Bear, an overindulgent bear with a bad habit. It might not be thrilling, but, at least, it has a happy ending … for the bear.