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Parents’ separation triggers worries for son

3 min read

Q. Do you think my mom and dad are getting a divorce? They fight all the time. My dad moved out a week ago. My mom won’t talk about him. I called my dad, and he acted like nothing was wrong. What happens if my dad doesn’t come back like he said he would when I called him?

I asked my mom if they were getting a divorce and she said I was too young to know about things like that. She said she will talk with me when I’m older. I don’t think I’m too young, do you?

– 12-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: The question isn’t if I think you’re too young to talk about your parents’ relationship, but if you think you’re old enough.

I believe most children and young people want the truth when life becomes complicated or confusing. Divorce is a complicated and confusing time.

Your mom is probably trying to protect you, but hiding our feelings during difficult situations isn’t healthy. It helps to share with people we trust.

I don’t know if your parents are getting a divorce, but it does sound as if their relationship has hit a rough patch. Relationships in real life are not like those in the movies. Adults can grow apart. The important thing to remember is your parents’ relationship problems are not your fault. Children and teens do not cause parental conflict.

I encourage you to try talking with your parents once more. Maybe you could show them this column? I also recommend a great book written by a dear friend. Anastasia Higginbotham wrote “Divorce is Stupid” for people just like you.

If your dad does not return or your fears about divorce are true, you will adjust. There will be moments when you feel angry or confused or even frightened, but you will be OK. Another favorite book of mine is “Ruby Finds a Worry,” by Tom Percival. It’s a children’s book about sharing feelings and worries. It’s not about divorce, but its message is wonderful. You’re not too old to read it.

I’m glad we connected. Please reach out to other trusted adults in your life, like a teacher, coach, youth leader or family member. Remember you’re a person of great worth.

Peer Educator Response: Some of us have gone through our parents’ divorce. It’s not easy but you will be OK. Keep talking with Mary Jo; she gets it.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.

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