May 5, 2023 5 min read

I am of the opinion that every man needs two items in his possession at all times: a pocket knife and a handkerchief.

Maybe the term “pen knife” is more appropriate here in Southwestern Pennsylvania. Some would argue that other items should be added to the list. A banking card, drivers license, some would even say their personal protection weapon. While all of the above are important items in a man’s kit (the modern term would be every day carry) or EDC, the first two, in my humble opinion, are paramount. Most situations can be handled with one or the other. String hanging off a cuff button – pocket knife. Woman crying at a funeral – handkerchief. Important package containing new hunting boots arrives – pocket knife. Small cut from playing with one’s pocket knife carelessly – handkerchief. Emergency chopping of deer sausage at buddy’s garage – pocket knife. Morsels of said deer sausage remaining on face – handkerchief. I could go on all day. Rarely does the need to draw one’s pistol from concealment play into daily life. But the constant onslaught of calamity can again and again be repelled with these two simplest of inventions. No civilized sportsman should ever be more than a few steps away from either one.

There was a more civilized time in our society when no man went about his business without a cap, and I don’t mean a ballcap but rather a proper men’s hat. Unfortunately, I don’t have enough space or time to fix all our societal ills within the confines of this column. Suffice to say hats “covered” shade, warmth and style all in one neat package. But I digress.

I would argue that most medical emergencies from splinter removal to tracheotomy can be handled with, wait for it, a pocket knife and a bandana. I recommend the color red for obvious medical reasons as well as good taste. Impromptu nail, cuticle trimming – pocket knife. Grass gets wound up in the string trimmer; you guessed it – pocket knife. Food particle in teeth as you enter church – pocket knife. Removing lint from belly button – Q-tip. Just making sure you were paying attention. Adjusting scope turrets – pocket knife, for sure. Tightening screws in eyeglasses – once again the pocket knife.

Sure, there are those in our post-Covid apocalyptic society who may pooh pooh at the idea pulling a hunk of cloth from atop a man’s right or left gluteus maximus and presenting it to our proboscis, but then again there are folks who insist on eating wings with a knife and a fork. I would remind you that our patriot forefathers fought for such rights that still make America great today. I would submit that there are even some recommended occasions for the cleaning, disinfection and, of course, sharpening of one’s blade, provided we don’t get too caught up in the details. For the record, sharp is always best.

Be advised, it is only good form to announce to the individual that you are offering up your hanky to that “It is clean, of course.” Such frankness goes a long way in reassuring the individual in question that you have great regard for their health, safety and well-being. “If you think classy, you’ll be classy,” Crash Davis said in the move “Bull Durham.” This is, however, a relative scale of cleanliness depending on how long the cloth has been carried about on your person. Can looking out for the well-being of one’s fellow man ever be a bad thing?

There are some obvious, as well as some understated, rules for selecting one’s everyday carry knife. It should not be so large as Rambo’s survival knife but not too small to offer difficulty in manipulating the implement. While it is considered best practice not to alarm others by producing a machete-sized device, micro-knives can be even tougher to manipulate. I would recommend a blade length of one to two inches but I tend to adhere to minimalist standards. Others subscribe to the go-big-or-go-home school. Who am I to judge?

As for blade construction, there are no absolutes. My personal favorite has a tiny tanto blade, which comes in handy for fine or precision work like removing one of the veterinarian’s overlooked stitches. I prefer a folding knife but have seen some tasteful representations in the fixed-blade variety as well. The Baghdad Boxcutter was just introduced to me by a pal. Mine arrived Thursday last. Pocket knives can be an extension of fashion for those so inclined. I have witnessed a few bearing such ornate bedazzlement that they required a second look. As for me, I’ll travel the more Spartan route. Utilitarian all the way, form and function married.

Whatever you choose, just make sure to pair it with a tasteful handkerchief and be prepared to render assistance wherever you roam.