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Fess up to lie before graduation

3 min read

Q. I’ve been caught in a lie. Well, I will be very soon. It’s a lie I didn’t mean to have become so big, and now I’m in an awkward position and so very sorry I started this. I graduate college soon. My parents are so very proud. I’m first gen. My grandparents are bursting. They are so thrilled. Where’s my lie? I told them I was graduating summa cum laude. I’m not. I’m not even graduating cum laude. I started off freshman year so well. I was a great student in high school, and they expected me to keep up my grades. I did, but by sophomore year I was doing just enough to get by. I made friends like I never did before, I pledged, I got a job to supplement my scholarship. The middle of junior year I got back on track. I kept my scholarship, I’m proud of that, and I am graduating in a major I love, so there’s that. But, when my mom asked me if I was graduating with honors, I foolishly said, yes. Her face lit up so much, when she said, “How high are the honors?” I grew the lie. They’re coming to graduation – my whole family. They’ll see me on stage. They’ll see me graduate without honors. What should I do? I don’t want to ruin the day for them. Or for me.

– 21-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: Tell them before the ceremony.

Let me explain. Your family is justifiably proud of you. Any family would be. You’ve accomplished something amazing. You are the first in your family to graduate college. Be proud!

You lied to bring joy to your mom. Yes, it was foolish, but I think your family will understand. Will they be disappointed? Maybe, for a moment, then they should rally. They have a graduate to honor and celebrate. You are theirs; they love you, and they are human, too.

Find a moment to talk with your parents when they’re not stressed or distracted and tell the truth. Explain exactly what you told me. If your parents are as close to you as you think, I’m guessing they knew about your sophomore year! You’re still standing, you kept your scholarship, you held down a job, you made lifelong friendships, and you graduate soon in a major you love. Congratulations!

One more thought. I hire people to implement the programs at our Teen Outreach; some of our funders require college graduates. I look for many things when I interview applicants – their philosophy about young people, their willingness to learn, their flexibility, and their preparation in social work or education. I’ve never hired anyone solely based on a graduate’s honors status. Be strong in who you are, set your goals to create a life you will love doing work you enjoy, and move forward.

I checked in with our peer educator alumni to back up my response.

Peer Educator Alumni: Yep, lying was a bonehead move, but it’s over. Don’t let this ruin your big day. Celebrate! You have a college degree! Be humble, be contrite, and be happy! We think your parents will understand.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.

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