May 30, 2023 3 min read

On May 4, Julia and Robert Jones were married in Akron, Ohio. It doesn’t sound like a big, hairy deal, but it could have been if they brought the Wookiee. If you’re keeping up with the Joneses, they’re nuptials were Star Wars-themed. With the traditional exchange of rings, and the untraditional crossing of the light-sabers, they were pronounced husband and wife.

Zhush. Zhush.

They wore their best Jedi robes to the ceremony.

I imagine the best man asked, “Husband you wish to be?”

The groom said, “I’ll try.”

The little, green bestie shot back, “Do or not do. There is no try.”

May Fourth has become an unofficial holiday for fans of George Lucas’s multi-part sci-fi space opera. Instead of saying, “May the Force be with you,” these Obi-Wannabes say, “May the Fourth be with you,” which is how it would have sounded if Sir Alec Guinness turned down the role and Sean Connery had gotten it.

Some of you just did your SNL Celebrity Jeopardy Connery impression.

A Star Wars-themed wedding sounded very unusual to me, but I’m more Star Trek than Star Wars.

As I once explained to my friend Lonnie, who asked, “What’s the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars?”

I replied, “Muppets. My show doesn’t have Muppets.”

But I digress, like I do.

As far as unusual weddings go, this was amateur league.

Jeroen and Sandra Kippers of Brussels, Belgium, were lifted on a platform by a crane, 160 feet in the air at their wedding ceremony. They were joined (literally and figuratively) on the platform by an officiant. There were also 20 guests in attendance. After the couple said their vows, they jumped off the platform, bouncing around on bungee cords.

If you’re a real thrill-seeker, you could get married like April Pignataro and Michael Curry. In 2010, the bride donned a white wetsuit and met up with the groom, in a traditional black wetsuit, inside a cage submerged underwater. Guests at their wedding included sand sharks, nurse sharks, eels and a giant grouper. You wouldn’t find Mark Cuban in this shark tank, just a pair of crazy newlyweds – emphasis on crazy.

The officiant radioed down to the couple pronouncing them man and wife. He didn’t join them underwater because he had a brain.

Bride Lisa Satayut got the max for the minimum when she married Drew Ellis inside a T.J. Maxx. They didn’t even close the store for the wedding. You could buy a gift during the ceremony! Immediately after throwing rice on the newlyweds, a voice over the PA system said, “Clean up in aisle five.”

I’m not getting hitched anytime soon, but I promise you it won’t be in a Starfleet captain’s uniform on the deck of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

It was not a religious occasion, but, rather, a judge married them alongside a bunch of other couples who wished to be wed on that particular day. Some of them didn’t realize it was Star Wars Day.