Oct 12, 2023 3 min read

Q. Tell my mom an online friend is a real friendship please. I met my friend during the pandemic when we both were playing an online game. My mom won’t stop nagging about how dangerous it is to meet someone online. Yes, I know people can pretend to be people they’re not, but we’ve Facetimed and zoomed and I talked with her brother and saw her dog. I know her address. She’s a real person and my best friend. I also know, because my mom won’t shut up about it, that I need friends in real life too. I do have friends in real life, but none of them understand me like she does. We get each other. I don’t think I would have gotten through the pandemic without her. I tend to get depressed easily and she’s the opposite. She’s fun, she finds things to laugh about, and she checks on me if I’m quiet for a while. Isn’t it possible to connect with someone you’ve never met in person, but have spent a lot of time with online?

– 15-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: Friendship is a very personal connection.

Your mom’s concerns are real. It’s possible for unscrupulous adults to exploit young people online. Role playing online games can expose a teen to unknowns. However, it certainly seems you’ve vetted your friend.

You ask if it’s possible to connect with someone you’ve never met in person but spent a lot of time with online. Absolutely, it is. During the pandemic, many people did just that. Telemedicine became popular. I know therapists whose entire practice is now online.

It’s important to be cautious. It’s important to respect your mom. It’s also important to continue positive friend relationships.

A few thoughts for you to consider:

Writing to me was mature. You faced a challenge and proactively did something about it.

Connecting with school friends and getting involved with school activities like sports or clubs are important parts of growing up. If this online friendship monopolizes your time, I am concerned. I see no reason you can’t enjoy friendships of all types in moderation. Our Common Ground Teen Center in Washington is an example of a safe space for friendships to develop.

I’m part of a statewide youth mental health advocacy group that meets online. The teens in this group have formed friendships that extend beyond the monthly meetings. Using technology to connect is common now. Explain your situation to your mom with respect. Acknowledge her fears and show her how you’ve taken precautions to be safe.

Have you asked your mom to meet your friend? It’s easy to Facetime or zoom and include her. It may ease her anxiety to spend a little time with your friend.

Finally, it took courage to share your depression. Teen mental health is vital to growth. It is just as important as physical health. Please continue getting support. Good luck to you and to your friend.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.