Embracing the muffin top
On and off for the past, oh, 40 years I have pondered the muffin top – not the crispy-edged hats that sit atop a blueberry or chocolate chip goodie, but the bit of flesh that likes to sit atop my hip bones. Muffin top is an apt name for that particular physical contour; it describes an unwelcome protrusion that adds lumps to one’s front, back and side views.
Entrepreneurs have become billionaires solving the problem of the muffin top, making Spanx and other girding garments to chisel and smooth out that part of the female form.
Meanwhile, over on the Oscars red carpet…
Have you seen the photos of the celebrities who have been named the best dressed, most beautiful and “sheer perfection?” These fashions not only ignore or conceal the muffin top, they are embracing, exaggerating and even celebrating it.
Look up the gown that “Wicked” actor Ariana Grande wore last Sunday night. It was more a contraption or piece of furniture than a garment. It began at the top with a lovely, fitted bodice and then somewhere around the waistline it lost its way, made two right hand turns and jutted out from the hips so significantly that I’m sure she needed a clearance zone of at least 10 yards around her to keep from knocking someone over.
“It looked like a lampshade to me,” said my friend. I say lampshade, and also feather duster, and also the Mother Ginger character in the Nutcracker ballet with the broad hoop skirt from which a parade of small clown children emerge. And honestly, I don’t know how Ariana was able to sit down that night without having her head swallowed up in silk and tulle.
Hers wasn’t the only Oscars dress that was proudly displaying the muffin-top silhouette. Ariana’s “Wicked” co-star Cynthia Erivo wore a gown that was majestic in its horizontal flair – but at least her hip protrusions were balanced by a strong shoulder.
Others wore less pronounced versions of the muffin top gown, but the look was ubiquitous. Even sleek, bedazzled frocks were festooned at the hip. And let’s not forget the peplums, those extraneous flaps of fabric that appear to be functioning as umbrellas for the legs.
My friend pointed out that the red carpet looks are exaggerated in order to draw attention. And those gowns are not so much fashion as they are art and spectacle. But having sported a bit of muffin top most of my adult life, and not feeling all that kindly toward it, I know that if I had lived a life of exercise and diet since the day the award nominations were announced, I would be showing off all that self denial. My red carpet dress would follow the lines of my sleek body, but what do I know?
On the other hand, maybe those fashions are telling the rest of us something. Maybe the takeaway should be that the muffin top is not something to be dieted away or smoothed out by a girdle, but something stylish and desirable. (I’m old enough to remember when large rear ends were not attractive, and we know how that’s changed.)
If muffin tops are trending, I’m all in. All I have to do is to squeeze into my jeans with the low-slung and snug waist. I’ll be jutting out in all directions, and I won’t feel bad about it, finally.
In fact, I’d help myself to a blueberry muffin top, maybe two.