Hot? Blame it on Sirius
At last, an answer to the question causing most Americans to lose sleep this summer: Why do we call the 40 days beginning July 3 and ending Aug. 11 “The Dog Days of Summer?” Is it because many of us sit around sweltering, our tongues lolling out like a dog’s? Or is it because rapper Snoop Dogg usually ramps up his touring each summer?
Although each of these is a valid theory, neither is correct. To find the actual answer, we must turn to the most reliable source of information regarding weather ever devised by man. No, not the National Weather Service. Not even Punxsutawney Phil. It’s “The Old Farmer’s Almanac,” first published in 1792 by Robert B. Thomas, who was a bookbinder and only 26 in 1792 and, thus, not really an “old farmer.” But “The Young Bookbinder’s Almanac” wasn’t a very catchy title.
Thomas’ publication soon caught on, and the agrarian culture in the U.S. came to rely on its usually quite accurate weather predictions — compiled using a secret formula — for help in planting crops. Over the years, the accuracy of “Almanac” long-range predictions has been found to be between 50 and 52%. Current accuracy of science-based predictions for three-day periods is about 90%, but it falls to just 20% when projected over 10 days. This may seem an iffy way to plan for a weekend picnic, but it still beats having Robert B. Thomas ride around on horseback shouting, “I was wrong! It’s raining today, by cracky!
But back to the original question.
According to the “Almanac,” the annual period of extreme temperatures in July and August occurs when Sirius, a.k.a the Dog Star, rises and sets with the sun. Sirius received its nickname because it is part of the constellation Canis Majoris — the “Greater Dog.” Thus, “Dog Days.” The “Almanac” further explains:
“In ancient Greece, Egypt, and Rome, it was believed that Sirius’s dawn rising in mid- to late summer contributed to the extreme weather of the season. In other words, the combined heat of super-bright Sirius and our Sun was thought to be the cause of summer’s sweltering temperatures.”
Based on this explanation, the Trump administration briefly considered announcing that Sirius, not global warming, is what has caused mean temperatures on Earth to rise. But after consultation with the Oracle of Pensacola (Laura Loomer), administration officials decided it was easier to simply deny that global warming is a thing at all. And besides: TARIFFS!
No matter what you consider to be the source of sweltering August heat — greenhouse gases, including bovine flatulence; too much charcoal for summer cookouts in Nebraska; automobile emissions — you can be sure that hardly anyone thinks that the extra heat from a star 8.37 light years from Earth is to blame for it.
But we all know that extreme high temperatures have been screwy for the past few years.
So if you find the temperature this October to be 95 degrees, shake your fist at the sky and scream — using your best William Shatner voice — “Sirrrriiiiuuusssss!”