Hey! It could happen!
Hey! It could happen!
There’s been a lot of talk lately about financier Jeffrey Epstein, a convicted sex trafficker who authorities say died by suicide in prison while awaiting trial in 2019. For example, in February, Attorney General Pam Bondi claimed that she would release Epstein’s client list. Bondi claimed in an interview on Fox News that it was “sitting on my desk right now to review.” But on July 7, the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ) issued a memo saying that Epstein had no “client list,” there was nothing suspicious about his prison suicide and the case was officially closed. Even Trump’s base took umbrage at this flip-flop.
To defuse the situation, Trump has taken a number of actions that could be considered attempts to divert public attention from the Epstein affair. Among them:
* The FBI released files related to its investigation of the 1968 assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. and said it had revised its findings regarding Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email server while she was Secretary of State, a GOP cause célèbre during the 2016 presidential election.
* Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard referred former President Barack Obama and several of his top aides to the DOJ for criminal prosecution, saying Obama and others staged a “yearslong coup” to falsely claim that Russia tried to influence the outcome of the 2016 presidential election.
* Trump took credit for the Coca-Cola Co.’s decision to again use cane sugar in some of its products.
Wow! Sounds like somewhere deep in the bowels of the headquarters of U.S. Space Force in Colorado, Gen. B. Chance Saltzman, Chief of Space Operations, could be heard shouting, “Lieutenant! Red alert! Deflector shields on full!”
Here are a few more deflection schemes that Trump considered using until the “lamestream” media discovered them.
1. A race of intelligent, subterranean “mole men,” disturbed by the drilling of an oil well six miles deep, emerged from the ground and threatened U.S. citizens with a laser-like weapon. But Trump struck a deal with their leader, arranging for mole men to patrol our border with Mexico to stop illegal immigrants. Trump denied that this scenario sounds suspiciously like the plot of the 1951 film “Superman and the Mole Men.”
2. A giant “superwave” in the Caribbean struck a Carnival cruise ship and capsized it, trapping passengers in a crazy upside-down hell. Fortunately, the ghost of televangelist Jimmy Swaggart appeared and led six passengers to safety through the ship’s propeller shaft door. Trump denied that this scenario is a thinly disguised variation of the 1972 film “The Poseidon Adventure.”
3. Trump administration officials declared that images from the Hubble Space Telescope reveal that a previously unknown planet, Mongo, which is populated by human-like beings that appear to be under the thumb of an emperor called Ming the Merciless. But after Trump threatened to impose a 150% tariff on goods from Mongo, Ming fled in a cheesy rocketship. Trump denied that this scenario sounds suspiciously like the plot of the “Flash Gordon in the 25th Century” serial from the 1930s.
4. A new doll of Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem as “ICE Barbie” will hit shelves in time for Christmas! Accessories will include an ICE flak vest, an ICE ballcap, a very large automatic rifle and a pair of star-spangled MAGA Military Boots from MAGATrendz in Blaine, WA.
Hey! It could happen!