Apr 11, 2024 4 min read

In honor of April’s Child Abuse Prevention Month, I retrieved a letter from my files.

I’ve written the Ask Mary Jo column since January 2005, so I’m approaching two decades of weekly columns. I respond to every question I receive, but I do not always use them for the column. I continue to receive questions from young people; if I never used a new question for the column, however, I have enough archived questions to cover the rest of 2024 and more!

Child abuse questions are rarer than most, but I have some. Many are not appropriate for the column. I protect those who write to me, and some situations may be discernible.

The first letter below was sent to me over 10 years ago. It came to my memory last week when the second letter arrived from the same writer. I will share them both because they reinforce how necessary child abuse prevention education is to young people’s well-being.

Letter No. 1: It’s been a while since I wrote. I wanted to tell you I’m doing well, and so is my baby. She’s not really a baby anymore. Why do kids grow so fast? When I think of her birth, I am glad you were my doula. I am still shocked that I disclosed her paternity to you right after she was born. It’s not the kind of thing people say, you know? I was upset with you when you reported what happened to me, but now, I realize it was the best thing you could have done for me.

I was so scared. My abuser told me he’d kill me if I told anyone he was my baby’s daddy. I believed him. I was 14 – what did I know? I’ve thought a lot about it. I think labor and birth were so intense and I leaned on you so much during it, that I suddenly decided this secret was too much.

You said many teens who are pregnant were sexually assaulted and many by someone they know. That was what happened to me. My abuser was a deacon at my church. He told me all little girls did this and I didn’t know any better at first. I always knew I hated what he did. It was confusing because he was kind to me at other times. I remember you telling me that nothing he did was my fault. I will always remember that. Anyway, I am doing well and so is my daughter. Thank you.

From last week:

Letter No. 2: I just started getting the O-R online – I like reading about what’s happening in my old hometown. I saw your column and I thought I’d write to you again. Do you think you could publish my letters – this one and my older one? I’d like people to know my story anonymously. My daughter is a teen now and I shiver every time I think of how vulnerable a young girl can be. She’s a great teen. I’m proud of her. She’s an honor student, an athlete, and a good friend. She knows parts of my story. As she grows older, I gently tell her more. I’m married to a good man. I know he would defend her with all that he is. He loves her like his own. I told him I was going to write to you and ask you to print my letters and he agreed I should. If someone can wake up to what’s really happening with child sexual abuse, I will feel good. Thank you.

Mary Jo’s Response: I treasure both your letters. I’m thrilled you’ve raised your daughter so well and happy you’ve connected with a good husband. Child sexual abuse is an antecedent to teen pregnancy – which simply means it is one of the events that can precede it. Your words are courageous and unselfish. I am sure they will inspire. Protecting children is an adult’s job. I wish you continued joy. Thank you.

I am a Darkness to Light Stewards of Children authorized child sexual abuse prevention facilitator. Connect with me for classes!

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.