Food fight tonight
In Tilton, N.H., police were called to the Market Basket supermarket on Jan. 12 to investigate an assault in the produce aisle. The Laconia Sun Daily is calling the incident the “Fruity Fracas.”
Sgt. Andrew Salmon with the Tilton Police Department confirmed on Friday he was investigating a food fight in the produce aisle.
According to the Sun Daily, “Officers from the Tilton Police Department were dispatched to an alleged assault at Market Basket in Tilton that involved a produce item.” Salmon said one person was taken to a nearby hospital for injuries that were not considered life-threatening. He said the injuries allegedly stemmed “from being struck by a produce item.”
Social media reported that the unconventional weapon of choice was a watermelon.
Where they found a watermelon in New Hampshire in January is questionable, but I bought cherries yesterday.
Side note: I’m not making this up. If I was making it up, Salmon would investigate an incident wherein someone was slapped in the face with a fish. Let’s face it, Sgt. Salmon sounds like a cartoon character.
But I digress, like I do. I have a lot of questions, but the employees of Market Basket are not cooperating with the investigation. A person who answered the phone said, “We have been instructed not to say anything,” leading me to believe it was a “run by fruiting.”
The No. 1 suspect should be Mrs. Doubtfire.
This is not the only food fight to make the news.
In September, a married couple were arrested after they assaulted Burger King employees in Maricopa, Ariz. Complaints over chicken nuggets at the drive-thru window reportedly turned into a physical attack inside the fast-food restaurant.
There are no details about “the complaint,” but I suspect the couple argued with the employees over the amount.
InMaricopa.com reported, “Cops responded to Burger King around 4 p.m. to find the family had already fled the scene. Officers found a ‘breathless’ employee lying on the floor, surrounded by spilled food and damaged items from inside the restaurant.”
Sometimes it’s a food fight, and sometimes it’s a fight about the food.
In 2018, The State newspaper in South Carolina reported on an incident wherein two older adults came to blows over free samples in a Costco. It began when a 72-year-old man cut in line in front of a 70-year-old man who was waiting for a complimentary piece of cheese.
It happened again as the 70-year-old was awaiting a cheeseburger sample. First, there were angry words and then a punch.
Police say the cheeseburger stand worker confirmed the Hawaiian shirt-clad 72-year-old then smacked the 70-year-old, causing his hat and glasses to fly off.
I have always been suspicious of old dudes in Hawaiian shirts.
I was in a Costco on a Saturday recently, and I’m surprised there aren’t fights breaking out all day long. Freddy Krueger himself couldn’t come up with a more spectacular nightmare than trying to find a parking space in a Costco on a Saturday.