Singing for other people’s supper
I’ve gotten myself into another fine mess. I’ve agreed to sing and dance for a show when I am incapable of singing or dancing.
This is the second year I have volunteered my time and lack of talent to “Off The Record,” a benefit for the Greater Pittsburgh Community Food Bank, and I am in way over my head. As longtime readers know, I am a klutz, primarily due to my lack of hand-eye coordination. That hinders my performance on stage as I bump into my castmates. I pretend to know what I’m doing while galumphing around on stage.
I adore the director, Chris Laitta (most recently seen as Frau Blücher in Pittsburgh CLO’s “Young Frankenstein”), and the show’s producer, Sharon Ebersol Axelrod (retired sportswriter and entertainment editor for a still-on-strike newspaper). I told them I’d do whatever they needed. I am eating my words.
I’m surrounded by professional actors, singers, CAPA kids, and KDKA television personalities in the show. I can’t convey what this disaster looks like when I’m on stage attempting to dance. Picture Moo Deng, everyone’s favorite pygmy hippo, at the ballet. It’s like that, but the hippopotamus is cuter and, ironically, smaller.
Here’s the funny thing about being a comedian. When I’m doing standup comedy, I am up there alone. I can say the words in any order I choose as long as I make people laugh. If I forget a bit, I can go back and bring it up later or skip it entirely. In a show, I must say the right words at the right time, or someone else will miss their cue, and I must rely on others to say their lines correctly as I wait for my cue.
Years ago, I played a mean ice hockey coach in a play for the Fringe Festival. I had a quick costume change in that show. I wear a tracksuit until “game day,” then change into business attire. One night, the two actors on stage skipped a whole page of dialogue, and I came out wearing one shoe and hopped on stage as I tried to slip into the other loafer. My character was antagonistic but much less menacing as he jumped around on stage, trying to fit into a shoe.
Many of you know that in addition to writing this column, I am a theater critic for ‘Burgh Vivant, Pittsburgh’s online magazine for arts and entertainment. At that site, I often judge actors on the merits of their performances. As a critic, I think it’s essential to see the job from both sides of the stage, understand their perspective, or, as they say, step into their shoes … or shoe in my case.
It takes a lot of chutzpah to stand up on that stage and memorize lines, lyrics, and dance moves, and I am terrified. But I’m doing it for the food bank.
The show is one night only at the Byham Theater in Pittsburgh on Thursday, Oct. 17.
For tickets, visit https://www.offtherecordpgh.org/.
You’ve been warned.