Luncheon dysfunction
Luncheon dysfunction
I’ve had some silly arguments, but I recently reached a new level of absurdity when I attempted to organize a group lunch. Planning a lunch for two or more people is like trying to teach a cat geometry. They are more interested in knocking the cylinders off the mantle than learning the cylinder’s circumference.
There is a mathematical theory that states the greater the number of people, the greater the confusion, known as the Exponential Idiot Theory, which posits that the more people, the more stupidity. OK. It’s not an actual theory, but it should be.
The craziness started when I advocated for the cute little Mexican cantina in my neighborhood.
I was greeted by a tidal wave of sarcasm when one friend replied, “Great. Are you supplying the Prilosec?”
Side note: I have friends who think mayonnaise is too spicy. Meanwhile, I’m over here eating habaneros, trying to discover my Scoville tolerance threshold. It’s quite high, but I have suffered as a capsaicin connoisseur with peppers that have both entered and exited my body.
But I digress, like I do. After the suggestion for Mexican cuisine was shot down like a Spitfire by the Luftwaffe, I recommended a little out-of-the-way Chinese establishment.
Another friend chimed in, “I just had Chinese.”
I replied, “There are some places in China where they have Chinese food every day.”
Don’t put a smart aleck in charge of organizing a group if you don’t want to hear some cheeky responses. Honestly, there’s more than one item on the menu. You can eat Kung Pao Shrimp on Tuesday and Bang Bang Chicken on Thursday, and you won’t die, unless it’s a really terrible Chinese restaurant.
P.S. With names like Kung Pao and Bang Bang, I feel like I’m writing a fight scene for the 1966 “Batman” TV series, one overflowing with onomatopoeias.
But I digressed again. The simplest choice was to pick a quaint little Italian cucina for our gathering, but when I chose the Italian joint, someone said, “Yes. I like that place, but So-and-So (name withheld) is a gluten-free vegan.”
I said, “He can order the salad and ask them to hold the croutons.”
I used to be very picky about restaurants. I don’t like going to chains. That said, I will go to an Applebee’s or an Olive Garden without throwing a hissy fit. In my later years, I have learned to roll with it. I might complain, “The breadsticks need to go back into the oven for another 10 minutes, or I prefer lettuce that isn’t iceberg,” but I’ll do it privately to one of my friends with a better palate. In the moment, I will bow to the group consensus.
It’s more about the company than the venue. Spending time with friends, both old and new, is enjoyable, regardless of the location. The adage goes, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”
I don’t need it to be free; I need it to be uncomplicated.