Oct 11, 2025 4 min read

By Dave Bates

For the Observer-Reporter

I have been “retired” for exactly 95 days. My fellow retirees warned me that all I’d do was eat breakfast out with the old guys and go to doctor visits. Come on. I’m in shape, I work hard. These are the golden years.

Well, I haven’t made it to breakfast nearly enough and the “He-man Women Haters of America” of Little Rascals fame are considering dissolving my membership at Laverne’s Restaurant. I want my money back! This is not how it is supposed to be. Those pathetic old white-haired fogies were right.

As I write this column I was supposed to be headed for the Northwoods of Wisconsin for 18 days with my sights on ruffed grouse and woodcock. My buddy Bob Greenlee and I have been planning this trip for over a year. Last week, I got some bad news on my back and have been unable to even put on my socks without assistance. At best the pain is manageable. At worst, I’d call it excruciating because as a writer, I can’t find a printable synonym that expresses the level of discomfort.

You know, they say if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans. Well, I think I must have shared with one too many friends and associates my plans for this fall. Maybe my plans sounded too much like bragging and the Big Guy had “other plans.” In the end, it doesn’t really matter. I’m temporarily grounded with no clearance to fly for the questionable future. So, what’s a guy to do?

I’ve vowed not to pout, but instead look for the greatest good I can salvage from this most disappointing of outcomes. I’ve willed myself not to wallow in my own stew of pity and accept what I cannot control. This is the time of year that I look most forward to – archery season, grouse season, rifles to sight in, loads to assemble. My time of year.

I guess I can clean some guns? Then, again, I can clean almost everything because I subscribe to the school of “shoot em’ rather than clean em.'” Cleaning guns is a chore, not an enjoyable task to this writer’s mind. This project alone could take some time and thankfully, I can do it sitting at my banker’s desk/cleaning station.

Additionally, I’ve started to sort through my files of unfinished, half-started, incomplete stories, columns, anecdotes and tales. That project could well take me into the next decade. There’s also a bunch of work to be submitted to magazines and print agencies that I have neglected. My least favorite chore, besides cleaning guns and my office, is submission of my work to be published. No worse feeling than opening the rejection letter, again, telling you that, “You’re not what we’re looking for.” There is no greater feeling than receiving the letter of acceptance from a long-sought-after publishing house saying “We love it.” No better feeling that is, except maybe for seeing your little girl come into the world and they lay her in your arms and you feed her that first bottle. Or watching her walk across the stage to receive yet another award. Or maybe hitting a home run or winning a championship or bringing down a grouse with a great snap shot. Or possibly holding up the head of a prized buck that surprised you by materializing out of nowhere and remaining calm until you can make that last second shot right through the heart. OK, I guess there are lots of great moments and that’s what will keep me focused through these trying times. Better times to come.

There’s always straightening up my office. On second thought, no use in getting crazy. Some rocks are better left unturned. I don’t know if I have enough autumns left to accomplish such a momentous task. Maybe I could just move some piles around in order to make myself feel better. Yeah, I’ll just wait a while before even considering a preposterous notion such as cleaning the office.

I think I’ll take a walk through the little woods above the house this afternoon. My back is feeling a bit better and being the first day of archery, I can call this scouting.

Hope your fall is healthy and happy. If you have any big plans you want to announce, maybe it’s just best to keep them to yourself.

Stay well.

Dave Bates writes a weekly outdoors column for the Observer-Reporter. He can be reached at alphaomegashootingsolutions@gmail.com