Memorable malaprops and other miscues
Written or spoken, mistakes are a way of life in the business of reporting news. And they are the scourge of reporters, editors and news directors.
Some fall into the category of honest miscues, most often the result of hitting the wrong key on a keyboard. Others are what are known as malapropisms; that is using a word that means something different from the word the writer or speaker intended to use – i.e., albacore instead of albatross.
Comedian Norm Crosby and baseball legends Casey Stengel and Yogi Berra took the art of fractured language to a higher level. To wit:
Crosby, known as The King of the Malaprops, has enjoyed a very successful career by declaring he always speaks from his “diagram and “drinks only decapitated coffee.”
Among Stengel’s most (in)famous Stengelisms is the one he proclaimed while discussing a rebuilding year with the New York Mets: “I guess I’ll have to start from scraps.”
Berra’s routine was so good his verbal mistakes became known as Yogiisms. One of the best is, “It’s like deja vu all over again.”
Bringing the world of malapropism and other mistakes closer to home, here are some of my favorite misguided lines from area media sources over the years:
A report on a meeting of Fayette City Borough Council emphasized “Speeders will be stomped and given a warning.” You would think being stomped would be enough of a warning. But I always obeyed the speed limit in Fayette City after that.
Calling attention to the arrival of the holiday season in Charleroi, a story said, “Children will have the opportunity to meet Santa Claus, who will give each child a personal threat.” A Christmas treat certainly would have been more appropriate.
An obviously erroneous advertisement for an auto parts store called attention to “This week’s special on shock observers.” That one was hard to absorb.
A similar misprint in a story about automotive care alerted car owners to “be sure your ball barbarians are always clean and in good working order.” Good advice. There’s nothing like a dirty savage to spoil your day.
The headline on an obituary for a community leader whose generosity was unbridled read: “Well known philanderer dies.” Perhaps he gave more freely of his wealth than anyone really knew.
Admonishing his team to be prepared for a big game against a tough opponent, a football coach was quoted as saying, “We simply cannot lose our composer.” Maybe he was talking about the band’s halftime show.
A review of singer Tom Jones indicated that women in the audience “were in ah of this sexy man.” A lot of oohs also were heard.
Reporting on an environment issue, another story claimed many residents “smelt a terrible odor just outside of town.” That one sounded rather fishy.
A would-be thief who was nabbed by police before he could actually complete a robbery said he couldn’t understand how the lawmen knew what he was going to do. He said he was trying to act normal and not raise any “suspensions.” That makes you suspicious of his intentions, doesn’t it?
What’s in a name? Or the lyrics of a song? There was, for example, the misconception that Glen Campbell’s big hit of 1975 was “Grindstone Cowboy.” I’m sure there are rhinestones in that Fayette County community, but I don’t know about cowboys.
Speaking of misinterpreted lyrics, two of my favorites, as featured on www.rareexception.com, are these: The Beatles’ “Lucy In the Sky with Diamonds” – many people heard the line as “The girl with colitis goes by” when it was actually “The girl with kaleidoscope eyes.” “Purple Haze” by Jimi Hendrix – the classic misinterpretation is “‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy,” but the actual line is “‘Scuse me while I kiss the sky.”
Another memorable malaprop had to do with snakes – at least that’s what I think it was. The news story said one of the most frightening creatures was a “boa constructor.” The same article later referred to it as a “boa contractor.” Neither is correct of course, but perhaps the writer was constricted in his choice of words – or thinking about someone who produced feathered fashion accessories for women. You always have to be careful with snakes. Any doubts, just keep in mind the trouble Marc Antony experienced with Cleopatra’s asp.
An unforgettable classified ad read this way: For Rent – Apartment. Three bedrooms, one Beth. The owner probably didn’t have a problem leasing that one.
Speaking of accommodations, a reader claimed he saw this ad for a motel touting its luxurious honeymoon Bridle Suite. That sounds rather kinky, unless the “bridal” party was planning to horse around.
This may fall under the heading of tongue twisters. Reporting on trends in buying houses, a TV talking head recently proclaimed that “Women who become hormone owners are paying more interest.”
Finally, there’s this reminder that even the legal community can’t escape the world of bloopers and blunders. A newspaper account of a rather serious trial in federal court emphasized that attorneys for both sides would be taking the “dispositions” of key figures in the case. There was no word that they would all be under oath, or how the action might affect their moods.
We’ll take a look other miscues in a future column. Hopefully, we won’t make any misteaks.