Too old to trick or treat?
Q: Am I too old to trick or treat? My gram says I am, my mom says “I don’t care what you do as long as I don’t need to drive you somewhere that night” and my dad says, “You’re old enough to make up your own mind. You decide.” So, I’m asking you. Is 16 too old? I love costumes. I made my own. I love it, I’m going as a card – you know, from a playing card deck. It was fun to make it and I want to wear it. I don’t care about the candy, it’s just fun and my friends and I just want to go house to house. What’s your opinion? 16-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: You asked for my opinion, and I’m happy to give it. No, I do not think you’re too old to trick and treat. I think your dad’s advice is the best. You are old enough to decide. I think it’s wonderful that you have a group of friends willing to have fun together. I also love that you made your own costume – very creative. Many adults enjoy Halloween; I dress up to teach my college class every year (spoiler, I’m Sister Mary Joseph). When you’re out on Halloween, be kind and respectful. Let little ones go first. If you really don’t care about the candy, accept it sparingly, especially if you’ll waste it. Enjoy being young and enjoy all the holidays.
Q: I like to cook. My mom doesn’t like me messing in her kitchen, so I cook at my meemaw’s house. She always loved it, but she’s getting forgetful. It’s sad. She always seems happy to see me, but she doesn’t always know me. My pap seems to take good care of her, but I wish there was something I could do. Is there? She does seem to enjoy it when I cook, especially if I bake. 16-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: I feel for your experiences. My Mama had Alzheimer’s. It was very difficult. It’s like losing someone in bits and pieces.
You’re sweet to want to help. Here are some hints from my own experience with my mother:
Communicate clearly. Introduce yourself to her when you enter the room. I tried to sit beside my mother quietly and then gently say, “It’s your daughter, Mary Jo.” She would sometimes say “I know” but typically she’d just nod. Speak in short sentences. Use simple language. Give her time to respond.
Be patient. Remember, she was part of your childhood and was patient with you when you were learning. It’s time to return her kindness. Avoid arguing. If she gets agitated, redirect her attention to something pleasant.
Create a routine when you visit. Dementia can steal a person’s ability to make choices and be flexible. Routines help-meals at the same times, bedtime rituals, favorite foods and activities. When you arrive, set up your ingredients and tell her what you’re doing. I hope you talked with your grandfather about your cooking visits, and he enjoys them. Make sure to ask him what he wants you to do.
Make sure her environment is safe. We protect small children from harm; this is no different. Do not leave a pot lid extending beyond the stove top, make sure she’s safely away from the oven when it’s hot, do not leave knives where she can reach them. Clean up after cooking, of course, and be careful to do so in a way that does not endanger her or upset her routine.
Give your pap a break. Being a caregiver can be stressful. Ask him how you can help him cope. Dementia is not an easy diagnosis, but she is still your meemaw. Show her love and respect.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.