Sep 12, 2013 2 min read

Q. My granddaughter, “Mary,” is employed full time, has two daughters, ages 10 and 5, and is pregnant with her third child, even though a divorce has been in the works for at least a year.

The problem is that Mary expects her mother, my daughter, “Cindy,” to provide daycare, often for 12 hours a day. Cindy is in her 60s and finds that her stamina is winding down. Not only that, but her loving care has been unappreciated, and she has been treated with disrespect and even contempt.

Without affordable daycare, Mary would have to quit her job and go back on welfare. She is putting a real guilt trip and extreme pressure on Cindy, and so are her husband and soon-to-be former in-laws.

I feel that my daughter is being taken advantage of, and I think she is becoming increasingly depressed. Just how obligated is she to continue babysitting under these circumstances? – Concerned Great-Grandma in Seattle

A. Both Cindy and Mary are in a difficult position. Since Mary is unlikely to make the effort, Cindy could look into available subsidized daycare or even after-school programs so she doesn’t need to be with the kids for such a long day. Can the in-laws babysit two days a week? What about taking the kids for a couple of hours a day to give Cindy a break? It is up to your daughter whether she wants to continue caring for the grandchildren, but she should look into possible compromises in case there is a better solution than all or nothing.