Mar 13, 2014 3 min read

Q. My boyfriend found out that my 13-year-old-son was looking at sex videos on the Internet. I know this is normal for his age, but I’m not sure what to do. My boyfriend has suggested that he talk to my son and they view some acceptable sites together. I want my son to have a healthy attitude about sex and don’t want him thinking that sex is bad.

A. Your boyfriend’s desire to view pornographic sites with your young teen is creepy and very concerning. Isn’t that enough to cause you to end that relationship?

With respect to your son, recognize that about 15 percent of teens admit to intentionally seeking sexually explicit material online or in print. However, with the widespread availability of the Internet, most experts think that a majority of teens have viewed pornographic material.

There is little research on the impact of pornography on kids, so you have to do what seems right to you as a parent. Pornography is not a good way to teach your child about sexuality and most parents try to protect their kids from exposure to such material. Why don’t you use this incident as an opportunity to engage your teen in an ongoing discussion about normal sexual feelings and behaviors?

Sex education is all about teaching your child about values and health. Discuss the significance of sexual activities within a committed relationship and your own moral views about when sexual relationships are appropriate.

With the extraordinarily high rate of sexually transmitted diseases among youth, have a frank conversation about safe sexual practices. Don’t view this as a one-time lecture but the beginning of an ongoing conversation with your son.

Q. My 4-year-old daughter insists on using the pacifier when she is at home, but doesn’t need it at preschool or when playing with friends. How can I help her feel more secure so that she will give this up?

A. Use of a pacifier at your daughter’s age is very unusual, and is based more on habit than need. She may be unlikely to give this up for quite some time but here are two strategies that will work.

You could use a gradual approach, restricting your daughter’s use of a pacifier to certain times of the day or locations. Over the next several days, increase those restrictions (e.g., allowed only in the bedroom) and eventually prohibit the pacifier completely.

Other parents prefer a more aggressive approach. They inform their child that on a certain date the pacifier will no longer be available under any circumstances. After a few days, most children adjust just fine.

Dr. Gregory Ramey is a child psychologist at Dayton Children’s Hospital.