Nov 19, 2014 5 min read

Q. My lady and I have been together for nine years, and we have a beautiful 7-year-old daughter.

We have had our own two-bedroom apartment for five years. A year ago, her mother fell ill. We decided to move her in with us to take care of her and drive her to her doctors’ appointments. Mind you, we did this even though I know the mother doesn’t like me at all.

Like any couple, we argue, but nothing too serious. The problem is, her mother gets in the middle of it and takes her daughter’s side. I can handle the fussing from my lady, but not her mother. It’s none of her business.

Two weeks ago, I overheard the mother tell her daughter that one of us has to move out: her or me. Since we all know she can’t take care of herself, I took it as Mom telling her daughter to get rid of me. Since that day, my lady has been distant. She barely speaks to me, there is little affection, and lovemaking has entirely disappeared. I hate to think she has taken her mother’s advice and will end this relationship. Annie, I love her with all of my heart. What should I do? – Confused

A. The constant drip-drip-drip of criticism and pressure from Mom is wearing down your girlfriend’s ability to distinguish between what she wants and what Mom wants. Don’t hide what you know. Tell your girlfriend you overheard Mom saying to get rid of you. Let her know you love her dearly and don’t want to break up your home, especially since you have a young child who needs both of her parents. That relationship comes first. If Mom cannot deal with it, she is the one who should leave and hire a caregiver. Tell your lady we said so.

Q. My husband used to hold my hand when we were out and would always give me little pats and rubs just to let me know he was still interested in me. But once he had prostate surgery, it was like someone flipped a switch. He immediately ceased all contact. I realize we can no longer have sex the way we used to, but we can still give each other pleasure.

But here is the real problem: My husband is sometimes incontinent and must wear an adult diaper. I could live with this except that he doesn’t change it for several days at a time. You can only imagine how he smells. He says he doesn’t notice it, but I gag when I’m near him.

I have told him he needs to change the diaper more often and take daily showers. He’ll try for a bit, but then reverts back to his nasty ways. In the meantime, I can’t even get close enough to kiss him. What do I do? – Missing It

A. It’s possible your husband wants you to keep your distance, and this is one way to ensure it. It’s also possible he is depressed about his current condition and has stopped caring about his hygiene. Suggest he speak to his doctor (or you can call his doctor’s office and leave a message explaining the problem). In the meantime, remind him gently when it’s time to shower and change.

Q.My sister has a friend whose son is getting married. The woman is also an acquaintance of mine, but I never hear from her, and I’ve not seen her son in three years.

My mother received an invitation to the bridal shower, and my name was also listed on the envelope. My mother is on a fixed income, and we could not afford a gift, so we didn’t attend the shower. A couple of weeks later, a wedding invitation arrived with my mother’s and sister’s names on it. When I didn’t receive an invitation of my own, I assumed I was not invited. I didn’t give it another thought.

Well, the friend called my mom, and I picked up the phone. She asked whether I was coming to the wedding, and I stammered and handed the phone to my mother, who said she was sorry but neither of us could make it. The friend then told my sister she was very hurt that I hadn’t responded. She said the reason I didn’t get an invitation was because she didn’t have my address, which is a load of baloney. She sent the shower invitation to me at my mother’s.

Should I feel bad about not responding to a wedding I wasn’t invited to? I’ve thought about sending her a note of apology, but I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. — Tired of the Drama

A. It sounds like this friend invited your mother, and when you picked up the phone, she felt obligated to say she intended to invite you as well. But you are right that she easily could have obtained your address from your sister or mother. No, you do not have to RSVP for a wedding you were not invited to. But it might help smooth over the hard feelings if you send a card to the bride and groom with your very best wishes.

Email questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254