Boyfriend irks gal pals
Q. My girlfriend, “Tammi,” and I have been together for six months. We saw each other only briefly over the summer because she took a job in another state. I feel that our relationship is getting serious.
The only problem is her friends. They don’t like me. The reason is that while Tammi flew home from her summer job to see me, I didn’t do the same. Tammi’s job paid a lot more than mine, and she could afford the airfare. I couldn’t. She says it doesn’t bother her, but her friends still think I’m a jerk.
I’ve tried to be extra friendly to them, even bringing them dinner and helping clean their apartment. They have tried to convince Tammi to break up with me, but she didn’t give in to the peer pressure.
Tammi’s friends don’t have to like me, but I want them to be happy for us. I also don’t want Tammi to lose her friends because of me. I really need some help. What can I do to make this better? – Desperate Boyfriend
A. You sound like a good guy, but here’s the real reason Tammi’s friends are trying to break you up: They don’t want their relationship with her to change. Your existence as a serious boyfriend is a threat to the status quo. Our advice is to be pleasant around Tammi’s friends, let them get to know you, and perhaps introduce the unattached ones to your friends so all of you become part of a larger group. Beyond that, please be patient. Tammi’s attitude is what matters most, so discuss this with her.
Dear Annie: There is one subject in your column that always gets me: people who complain that they don’t get thank-you notes.
Well, boohoo. While I agree that saying thank you is appropriate, I don’t agree that you should expect it. If I give a gift, I do so out of the kindness of my heart. If the receiver says “thank you,” great. I’ll say, “You’re welcome.” And if they don’t, oh well, I’m still happy for the opportunity to give. – Happy Giver
Dear Happy: You sound very kind. But it’s not always so simple. If you mail a gift or have one sent from a store, wouldn’t you like to know that it was received? It is a simple courtesy to let the giver know that a present has arrived and was appreciated. We don’t think such courtesy should be discouraged.
Dear Annie: This is in response to “A Fan of Your Work,” the woman who wrote that her 5-year-old son sees spirits of dead relatives. I agree that he should be checked out medically for any physical or neurological cause, but I do not think it should end there.
The fact that he is able to describe people who died before he was born sounds as if he may be one of the rare individuals with the gift of second sight. At least half of the population believes in life after death. I’m surprised that ministers would be so quick to dismiss this. If the boy is given a clean bill of health, I would suggest his mother seek the advice of a paranormal research department in a nearby university. – Believer in N.J.
Dear Believer: It is not uncommon for young children to “see” things. Most outgrow this by puberty. While we appreciate our readers’ offers to take the boy to their favorite medium, we were surprised by how many were confused by our suggestion of a neurological exam. One of the symptoms of a brain tumor is hallucinations. It would be irresponsible of us not to make sure the boy is completely healthy before assuming it’s nothing to worry about. After that, it’s up to the parents to decide how to handle this.
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