Aug 21, 2015 4 min read

Q. I am a 29-year-old married woman with a 14-month-old son. My husband and I live one hour away from his father and stepmother, “Gladys,” and two hours away from my parents. We all get along great.

When I decided to go back to work, both my mother and Gladys volunteered to watch my son two days apiece. I pay a neighbor to watch him the remaining day, especially since she has two kids of her own and I want my son to have some socialization. It’s a perfect setup, and everyone is happy except for my husband’s mother, who lives in another state. She is furious that I allow Gladys to watch my son, stating that she is “not related” and “not really his grandma” and that “she will never love him like a real grandma should.”

My mother-in-law wants me to have the neighbor watch my son for the two days Gladys is now taking, and she even offered to pay my neighbor so it would not come out of my pocket.

My husband has a close relationship with his mother and a polite one with Gladys. (His mother never allowed him to get close to his stepmother, even though she didn’t come into the picture until years after the divorce.) He’s on the fence about this arrangement. But, Annie, I love Gladys. She is a retired kindergarten teacher who is wonderful with my son.

My MIL is giving me a headache over this. I always thought we had a good relationship and her demands really blindsided me. Now she’s angry that I have allowed Gladys to have a relationship with our son altogether. I haven’t mentioned any of this to Gladys, but I’m sure she’d be heartbroken. She truly loves our son and he loves her. What should I do? – Caught Between Two MILs

A. Shame on your mother-in-law for being so jealous and bitter that she would interfere in your child-rearing decisions and prevent your son from having a loving relationship with Gladys. We hope your husband has the gumption to tell his mother that these are not her decisions to make, and that if she cannot accept your child’s relationship with Gladys, she could benefit from counseling. Enough already.

Dear Annie: My 21-year-old daughter, like many of her peers, has spent a lot of time wishing she were thinner, taller, smarter, more attractive, etc. She is now in college, studying nursing. For one of her classes, she spent time looking at photos of birth defects. Afterward she called me to say, “From now on, I want to wake up every day being thankful that God made me just the way I am.”

I do not believe defects are inflicted arbitrarily by a capricious God on an unlucky few, but I am glad that my “normal” daughter finally understands how fortunate she is to be just the way she is. – Glad Dad

Dear Dad: Thanks to relentless media pressure to be more physically attractive according to whatever standards are current, it is difficult for both men and women to feel satisfied with their appearance. We are glad your daughter found a way to accept herself as is. (And we’ll skip wishing to be “smarter,” which can often be achieved through education and experience, and which has nothing to do with physical appearance.)

Dear Annie: I want to warn “Need Your Help,” the 66-year-old gal who has been with “Joe” since his wife died nine years ago. Joe is 75 and verbally abusive. He sounds just like my husband. Tell her to run, not walk, out of that relationship now.

She says Joe is unwilling to change. I can assure her he will only get worse as he gets older. She is still young enough to do just fine without him. It might be hard at first for her to be on her own; but believe me, it will get better. Find a women’s group or join a church that is friendly and welcoming. There is help and support out there. Joe and his house are not worth ruining your life. – A Caring Friend Who Has Been There

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