Neighbor must respect boundaries
Dear Annie: My neighbors are a lovely couple in their 70s. I have always been friendly with them. Several months ago “Mrs. Smith” became quite ill. Whenever I saw “Mr. Smith,” I would ask about his wife’s health. About three months in, he started ending our conversations with a hug. I thought he was sad about his wife and lonely while she was undergoing care.
But then he started dropping by my office. The first few times I let it ride. Around the fifth time, however, I told him he had to stop because it was interfering with my workday. Then, he started following me to the office. I’d pull into the parking lot, and he’d be right behind me. Two weeks ago, he pulled right up to my bumper and asked my how many miles I had on my car. I was genuinely late for a meeting and was brusque. He hasn’t been back since then.
Every day when I drive into our subdivision, he’s standing in his driveway waiting. I immediately pull over in someone else’s driveway and pretend I’m on a call. Yesterday, I pulled over and read the owner’s manual out loud to make it look like I was talking on the phone. It took 30 minutes before he finally went inside.
I understand he’s lonely, but he is freaking me out. I needed to tell someone, and I knew you wouldn’t consider it any weirder than some of your other letters. Good heavens, I feel better already. – R.
Dear R.: Glad we could help. Your neighbor seems lonely and a little obsessed with you. You might have been the only consistently friendly face during his wife’s illness, and it became more meaningful than you intended. Be kind, but set some boundaries. Wave hello from your door instead of walking over. Then go inside or get in your car. If he starts heading your way, say, “Sorry I can’t stay and chat, but I have a conference call.” If he gets too close, be honest and tell him that he’s making you uncomfortable and you’d like him to back off. Needless to say, no more hugs.
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