Dec 20, 2015 4 min read

Q. My husband and I live in the house where I was raised. I feel fortunate that most of my neighbors are people I grew up with. One neighbor is a very good friend. We’ve known each other since childhood. She is in bad shape physically and financially, and does not drive. The grandkids she raised still live with her. Neither of them has a car.

The 21-year-old grandson walks three miles to and from work every day, rain or shine. On some days, I drop my grandson off at school, which is within a half mile of where my neighbor’s son works. I offered to give the young man a ride on those days when I’m going in that direction anyway.

My husband feels this is wrong. He says no one would approve if he offered to give the 18-year-old granddaughter a ride.

Annie, this young man is the same age as my grandkids (who I wish had the oomph to walk anywhere). I don’t know why it’s any different than when I take his grandmother shopping or to the bank.

My husband and I have been married for 30 years and have no trust issues. He says it has nothing to do with trust. It’s just not right. I’m confused. What do you say? – M.

A. We say, give the kid a ride. We understand your husband’s perspective and agree that there is a double standard here. When Grandpa gives a young woman a ride, there is a presumption that he might be sexually interested in her and could take advantage. But the same presumption doesn’t hold for Grandma, probably because society considers postmenopausal women to be asexual beings and more likely, that the young man can defend himself.

However, your husband is talking in generalities, and your issue is very specific. You are not interested in this young man other than to help him get to work.

If your husband is worried about what the neighbors will think, he can come along for the ride. It’s a shame that we’ve become so suspicious of one another that we cannot do a good deed without raising such fears.

Q. My husband and I have an adorable 3-year-old girl. Unfortunately, he has been seeing another woman for quite some time. Now he says he wants to divorce me and move to Hawaii with the girlfriend.

Here’s the catch: He wants to take our wonderful daughter with him. I have told him that our little girl would be much happier if we stayed together, and that I’d be lonely and hurt if he took our baby away. I said if he wants to see his child, he’s going to have to stay here, married to me.

He doesn’t listen. What can I do? – Distraught in the West

A. You can see a lawyer immediately. Your husband no longer wants to be married to you, and you cannot force him to stay. If he is willing to try marriage counseling, fine, but we doubt he will make the effort. You can, however, most likely prevent him from taking your child away.

A legal divorce agreement also will put in writing that your husband pays child support and that visitation schedules are set.

Please do this today. Don’t wait until he agrees with you or worse, leaves and takes the baby with him. If you cannot afford a lawyer, check online or in your phone book to see whether your city has a Legal Aid office, or find help through local Child and Family Services or the American Bar Association.

Q. Is it OK to give money as a wedding gift to a couple in their early 20s? We aren’t concerned that they won’t remember our gift. We just think that money provides greater flexibility. Isn’t cash what most young couples need? – Wondering in New York

A. It is always OK to give money as a wedding gift, and many couples appreciate it more than other things. The drawbacks are that the couple will know exactly how much you spent on their gift and that some people believe a monetary gift is gauche.

Money doesn’t hold the same sentiment or personal touch as something that is chosen specifically for the couple, but according to our mail, most couples don’t mind that one bit.

Email questions to anniesmailbox@creators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254