Dec 23, 2015 4 min read

Q. My husband and I adopted our daughter from foster care when she was 12. We were told by the social worker that she had mental health issues, but we already loved her and went through with the adoption.

The 10 years since have not been easy, but we thought she had grown to love us. She is a smart, beautiful girl, and we never regretted adopting her. She was the light of our lives. She is now in college in another town. Last week, she called and said she is never coming back to our house and no longer wants to have anything to do with us.

We have tried to talk to her, but she either doesn’t answer the phone or hangs up when we press for answers about what is wrong. She is dating a young man who has expressed his dislike of us. We have learned through other people that they are getting married and his family is paying for the whole thing. We don’t know what to do. When she learned that we knew about the wedding, she did call and say we could come if we wanted, but it seemed a half-hearted invitation. I suspect if we had not been told by someone else about the wedding, she never would have told us herself.

Should we go to the wedding or not? We do not know what kind of lies she may have told his family and are concerned it may be a problem. We love her and want to see her get married. What should we do? – Brokenhearted Mother in Georgia

A. Please go to the wedding. Don’t worry what the groom’s parents think. Prove them wrong. You need to be supportive of your daughter on her big day and let her see that you still love her enough to do this. Don’t cry or become angry or try to get her to tell you what’s wrong. Simply be happy for her as best you can. And we always worry about relationships where the husband or wife prevents the spouse from seeing family members. It could lead to an abusive situation. Please keep your eyes open and make sure your daughter knows you will always be there for her.

Dear Annie: In a recent column, you mentioned people not feeling comfortable visiting a friend or relative in a nursing home.

I have been a patient in a nursing home while recovering from surgery and I also worked in one where I had dealings with visitors. Most residents in these facilities like to have visitors no matter how long they stay – even if it is only a few minutes. Any diversion from the regular routine is so welcome. Just talking a bit does a world of good. Other residents may join in, as they like to see a new face, too.

I know folks feel uneasy because they have a problem seeing friends or relatives in a poor medical state, but it can be dealt with. Your visit can be the best medicine. – Canaan, Conn.

Dear Canaan: Thanks so much for reminding readers how much short visit means to people in nursing homes. It can be a boost and a breath of fresh air, and your kindness means more than you will ever know.

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