Parents should put their kids’ needs first
Q. I am concerned about my grandson’s well-being. My daughter has always had “cuddle time” with “Joey.” It was OK when he was little, but now that he is turning 7, it seems worse. Now she is talking about getting him a new bedroom set that will be big enough for the both of them.
She says she sleeps better when she sleeps with Joey. I can only assume that means she doesn’t sleep much with her husband. I think this is getting a little bit out of hand. Joey is old enough to sleep by himself.
What do you think of this? And what should we do, if anything? – Concerned Grandparents
A. It worries us when parents put their own needs above those of their child and selfishly convince themselves there’s nothing wrong with it. But there is.
Cuddle time with Joey is fine. He’s only 7. But your daughter should not be sleeping with the boy or, worse, giving him the impression that they share a bedroom. This is not only terrible for Joey, but for her marriage. Most young boys adore their mothers, so the message she is sending Joey is confusing and damaging and sets up a rivalry with his father. Unless she wants Joey to spend his adulthood in therapy, tell her to stop this immediately. We hope she loves Joey enough to do what’s right.
Q. I live in a Southern city, and many Northerners have moved here and attend our church. Most are delightful, and we love having them. But we are having a problem with one of the women.
“Doris” is an eager volunteer and a competent, efficient worker who is anxious to take on more responsibilities. Unfortunately, she also can be rude, aggressive, condescending and almost combative. We suspect she doesn’t intend to be so difficult, but her demeanor unfortunately follows the old-fashioned stereotypical “New York pushy” attitude.
We want Doris to feel welcome and included in more activities, but we find ourselves making excuses to stay out of her way. How can we let her know that her attitude is obnoxious? We don’t want to offend her. She has many good qualities, but needs to tone it down a whole lot to make herself more pleasant to be around. – Southern Sally
A. Some of Doris’ aggressive attitude may diminish over time, simply by being around others who are less so. But it’s certainly OK to say gently, “Doris, your enthusiasm is wonderful, but could you tone it down just a wee bit?” Say it with a genuine smile, and perhaps ask for her opinion on a different matter. She cannot modify her behavior if she is unaware that it needs work. Surely she would want the opportunity to be less annoying rather than be isolated and rejected.
Dear Annie: I would like to reach out to “Distraught,” who recently found out that his eldest son molested his siblings. He wondered whether the eldest son had been abused by a parish priest.
I am greatly saddened by his loss and the pain endured by his family. I would like him to know that there is great hope for healing and that he and his family don’t have to struggle with this alone.
Every Roman Catholic diocese in the United States has at least one individual who serves as a victim assistance coordinator. These coordinators are caring and compassionate people whose calling is to help individuals and families find hope and healing after abuse. Please encourage “Distraught” to contact a victim assistance coordinator through the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops at www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/child-and-youth-protection/victim-assistance-coordinators.cfm. – Grand Island, Neb.
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