Jan 26, 2015 5 min read

Q. I have three siblings. The youngest sister, “Jess,” has always had problems. At 13, she started taking drugs and running away from home. She spent five years in prison, and when she got out, my older sister offered to let Jess live with her so she could get a job and go to school.

Jess was OK for about 18 months. Then she developed back problems and was unable to work. After several disagreements with my sister, she moved out to live with her boyfriend, whom she later married. It’s been downhill from there.

A few nights before Thanksgiving, Jess knocked on my door with her husband and their dog. Apparently, they are homeless. Neither of them can stick to a job on a regular basis. I’m sure Jess suffers from some type of mental illness, and now I think her husband does, too. I told Jess she could stay for three months and then would have to leave.

I hope she can get some assistance to help her get back on her feet. Do you have any guidance for me? – Lost and Confused

A. It is compassionate of you to take in your sister and her family, but she needs more help than you can give her. The best thing you can do for Jess is to look into local social services that will help her and her husband with mental health counseling, job training and housing. Please contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org), the U.S. Dept. of Housing and Urban Development homeless assistance (hud.gov/homeless) and the National Coalition for the Homeless (nationalhomeless. org).

Q. My 29-year-old stepson refuses to give gifts to family members at Christmas. A few years ago, I asked him why, and he said he doesn’t believe in the crass commercialism at Christmas. Yet he and his wife accept gifts from all of us on the holiday.

He also doesn’t send a card or phone on his Dad’s birthday or mine. What do we do? Do we respect his views on commercialism and not give him gifts? Do we ignore it and hope he comes around? He and his wife earn plenty of money and can afford it. But that’s beside the point. It is the effort and caring that is lacking. – Wondering

A. It is perfectly logical to stop buying presents for him, saying, “We know you don’t support the crass commercialism of the holiday, so we are respecting your beliefs and not purchasing any gifts for you.” Of course, that won’t help the relationship, which seems a little strained. This is your stepson, so Dad should handle it. Has Dad told him how much it would mean to get a call or card on his birthday? Some kids simply don’t connect the dots or realize the importance of remembering a loved one’s special day. It helps to remind them. Gently.

Dear Annie: I was ashamed of your response to “Need To Be Held,” who was dissatisfied with her husband’s affection. Telling her to get counseling, focus on the grandchildren, get out more, etc., was fine until I came to your last line: “Please consider doing volunteer work with babies at your local hospital.”

There are probably hundreds of volunteer opportunities in her community. Just because she is a mother, you assume holding a baby would make her happy? A simple suggestion that she look into volunteering with an organization that matches her passions, whether that be at her local food bank, animal shelter, day care, library or anywhere she wants, would have been less ridiculous. – Ventura, Calif.

Dear Ventura: We appreciate your weighing in, but in your effort to be gender-neutral, you miss the writer’s main point. The woman’s problem isn’t a need to be useful and busy, for which any volunteer job would be helpful. It’s that she isn’t getting enough physical affection. She even signs her letter, “Need To Be Held.” She isn’t likely to find that at her local food bank or library. Volunteering at her local hospital, where she can hold babies, is a wonderful way for her to get the physical affection she craves, and it also is good for the babies. (Men can do it, too.)

Dear Annie: This is in response to “PO’d in New York,” who said you two “need a lobotomy” for telling readers that doggie paw prints don’t belong on a sympathy card.

Annie, I have had pets, mostly cats, since I was 6 years old. I have a pet cemetery in my backyard, where five of my beloved cats are buried. I have two pet rescue cats whom I love with all my heart. They are a part of my family. But I would never, ever sign their names or put their paw prints on a sympathy card. In fact, I would be terribly upset if someone sent me a sympathy card with their animal’s names and paw prints on it.

I just had to let you know that not every animal lover agrees with “PO’d.” – A Cat Lover in Connecticut

Email questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd St. Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.