Annie’s Mailbox: Processing rejection
Q. I am a 13-year-old boy, and I’m too embarrassed to talk to my parents about this. I have been best friends with “Danny” since the first grade. We are like brothers. A few weeks ago, Danny and I were at my house, and he said he had something to tell me but was afraid of my reaction. I finally got him to confess that he thinks he is gay and in love with me. I was shocked.
He said he wanted to kiss me to see what it was like. I didn’t want to, but agreed to try. We sat on my bed and kissed for about a minute. I wasn’t grossed out by it, but it seemed weird and uncomfortable. When I told him that, he bolted. The next day at school, I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t even look at me. After a few days of this, he finally came by my house. We talked about what happened, and I told him it doesn’t matter that he’s gay, because he is still my best friend. But he said if I can’t be his boyfriend, he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. He said it would hurt too much. I told him I can’t change the fact that I’m straight. He said he hates me and left. I don’t know what I did wrong.
Danny won’t even speak to me. I finally worked up the nerve to tell my older brother, who said it’s just like when you get dumped by a girl – you don’t really want to be friends with her afterward. I can’t accept losing my best friend over this. What can I do to get him back? – Confused Best Friend
A. Your brother is probably right that Danny is too hurt to be around you right now. He also may be embarrassed by his admission that he loves you. That made him vulnerable, and he has retreated to protect himself. He also may not know how to behave around you, no matter how accepting you are. He, too, is confused. We suggest you give Danny some space. He needs time to process the rejection and then decide whether he can still be your friend. Continue to act as normally as possible around him. We hope he eventually can find his way back, but please understand that not all friendships go the distance.
Q. Would you please do everyone a favor by reminding them to keep to the right side on sidewalks, concourses, escalators, etc.? It would improve our ability to go from one place to another. Walking in airports or at sporting events can be very difficult. You have to buck the traffic coming toward you. -R.M. in PA
A. You make an excellent point. When driving, we keep to the right. If we did the same when walking busy streets, concourses and stadiums, etc., we could prevent a lot of pedestrian accidents. And one more thing: Please don’t hog the sidewalk by walking with six of your friends side-by-side. It’s annoying.
Email questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net