Annie’s Mailbox: Family custom dictates whether it’s a kiss on the cheek or lips
Q. I see many parents teach their children, from a young age, to kiss on the lips. Do you feel this is correct?
For some reason, I am uncomfortable with this. I was raised in a family where you always kissed on the cheek, whether it was your brother, sister or parents.
I would be interested in what your readers have to say. – Maine
A. This is not an issue of “correct.” It is about family custom. As long as there is nothing salacious about the kissing, it is perfectly OK to kiss family members on the lips if this is how you have been raised. Those who were brought up to kiss on the cheeks would naturally find it awkward, and you certainly don’t have to do it.
Dear Annie: Our oldest son married the most wonderful woman. “Kate” has two children from a previous marriage, ages 8 and 3, both of whom we love dearly. Our son has three children from his previous marriage, and Kate loves them like her own. The problem is Kate’s ex-husband and his parents. This is an open letter to them:
We love the children just as you do. As a grandmother, I would want only the most loving and nurturing relationships for all of my grandchildren. When you spread nasty rumors and sick lies and plant poison in people’s minds, you are not only hurting us, you are also hurting your grandchildren.
You make the children feel that they need to choose between us. You make them feel conflicted, and they shut themselves off. And let me tell you what your slanderous words about my son do: You have managed to destroy with your poison any potentially healthy and loving relationship he can have with these kids. When you tell your little circle of friends that you are “concerned he might molest the grandchildren,” what exactly are you trying to accomplish besides satisfying your selfish, insecure feelings? He is terrified to be left alone with them, knowing what your false accusations can lead to.
I hope you will see this letter and recognize that it is meant for you, and that you will fix the wrong you are doing. Please let the children love us. My son’s children are being partly raised by another man, and I thank him for loving and treating them like his own. I wish you and your family could think the same way.
We cannot change the past, but we can move forward in a positive fashion. I hope you will do this for the children. – Grandma from Guam
Dear Grandma: How sad for those children that their father and his parents are so filled with jealousy and resentment that they use the grandchildren as weapons and are willing to damage them emotionally. We hope Kate is keeping a written record of these accusations and rumors. If necessary, she should take her ex to court. This could affect his visitation rights and those of his parents. Such toxic people should not have access to young children.
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