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You can offer good advice but diabetic must act for herself

4 min read
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Q. A friend of mine has Type 2 diabetes and an eating disorder. Recently, she visited the doctor and her blood pressure and blood sugar levels were extremely high. The doctor spoke to her about the consequences of her diet, and after the visit, she spoke to his nurse. She was told that if she keeps her blood sugar under 200, she doesn’t need to worry and the doctor won’t be mad at her.

She came away from the visit with a determination to do a better job with her diet. But within a week, she went back to eating the “banned” food items. She tests herself and thinks that levels in the 190s are OK.

I have been trying to work with her on her diet. I have introduced her to better food choices. I listen to her and give advice when the opportunity comes up. I have made the decision to keep the lines of communication open by not criticizing her choices. Is there anything I ought to be doing? – The Listener

A. Not really. You are being supportive without enabling. You might ask her to join you in an exercise class or a morning walk. Physical activity can help enormously. And you can suggest that she contact a dietician for help with her nutrition, and the American Diabetes Association (diabetes.org) for information, resources and support. The rest is up to her.

Q. My wife and I have been married for 46 years and have been happy for most of it.

We recently traveled to North Carolina to celebrate the holidays with family and friends. It was also my 71st birthday, so it was especially lovely, and I received some nice gifts. My wife gave me a $50 debit card, which I greatly appreciated.

However, when we were driving home after the turkey dinners, golf, shopping, visiting, etc., it was time to fill up the car. My wife insisted that I pay for the $29 in gas with my birthday debit card.

Do you think that was a reasonable thing for her to do? My wife earns twice what I do. I always buy her beautiful and expensive gifts for her special occasions. – Still in Love

A. Your wife made the unilateral decision that the gift card was for both of you and should be spent on joint needs. This makes it less of a gift than you anticipated, and we agree that it was unfair. It has nothing to do with who earns more money. Had you paid for the gas without using the debit card, you would have been out the same $29, but that is beside the point. Spending it on gas should have been your choice.

Does your wife do this sort of thing often? Speak up and let her know it bothered you. Tell her that it is not a gift if someone else determines when it is spent and for what. Thank her again for being so generous and ask her to please not do this again.

Q. What do I say to people who tell me to smile? The reason I don’t like to smile is because my smile is ugly and I look horrible – like I’m making a face. How do I get them to stop? – A Daily Reader

A. Well, you could grimace and then maybe they’d stop asking, but here’s a different suggestion: If you are embarrassed by your smile, see if something can be fixed. Often, it is as simple as seeing a dentist, or practicing in front of a mirror until you can manage something natural. It’s also possible that you think you have a terrible smile when, in fact, no one else is bothered by it.

Folks who are ashamed of or concerned about their smiles are often self-conscious to the point where it interferes with their social life. This puts you at a tremendous disadvantage. There is no shame in making your life better. Please see what can be done.

Email questions to anniesmailbox@creators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254

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