Coping with life while mourning a loss

It is important to know that grief and mourning after the death of a loved one is typical. During your period of mourning, you might experience a wide range of emotions. One of the questions you might ask yourself is, “How do I cope with everyday life while I am mourning?”
Though each person grieves differently, there are a number of ways to help you cope. Alice Teagarden, of Washington Health System Hospice Care, offers these tips:
1) Educate yourself about grief and grief responses by reading or attending a support group. Talking with trained spiritual, medical, and/or mental health professionals is a way of meeting this educational need.
2) Take care of your physical needs by eating a healthy and balanced diet, getting the exercise your physician suggests, and getting adequate rest. Keeping yourself in good health can be both a tribute to your loved one and a coping method for yourself.
3) Be sure to recognize your need to avoid stress. Use your quiet time to relax. Surround yourself with loved ones and friends who know how to listen. Remember – if you ask someone to listen and they tell you how you should feel, they are not listening. Keep away from stressful people and situations.
4) Do feel free to keep a private journal. Writing can give you the opportunity to express your feelings. In your journal, you could write a letter to the person who died. You can use your journal to write about the many things you want to remember about your loved one. Allowing yourself to write and express your emotions helps you to recognize if you are moving forward or backward in your grief journey.
If writing is not something you enjoy, use your individual creative outlet. Is it drawing, painting, music, pottery? What can help in your expression of grief?
5) Creating a ritual that gives you permission to grieve can be helpful. For example, visiting the cemetery, holding a candle lighting memorial, or getting together with family and friends to talk about your loved one.
6) Let your faith and spiritual belief system comfort you. It is not unusual to have spiritual questions after a loss. Turn to your spiritual mentors for discussion and exploration of those questions.
Even in practicing positive coping skills, you might wonder, “Am I doing this right?” Remember – we all grieve differently. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. We do need to acknowledge, however, that strong emotions can interfere with everyday functioning. If you find that your emotional expression is negatively affecting you and the people around you, it may warrant a professional intervention. For example, is the anger you are feeling after your loved one’s death pushing people away?
Additionally, if feelings of depression are intense, leading to feelings of helplessness, worthlessness, or suicidal thoughts, you should talk with a health care provider immediately. You will not just “snap out of” these feelings as time passes. Without professional help, your depression could dramatically damage your own life, or the lives of your surrounding loved ones.
Your grief journey may not be what you expected. Washington Health System Hospice Care is offering an educational support group series. It will run nine consecutive Monday evenings and will include discussion about physical, emotional and spiritual grief as well as coping with the holidays while grieving. The series will begin Monday, Oct. 7. For more information, contact Teagarden at 724-250-4500 or 724-627-8118.