Washington family describes stress of caring for loved one with Alzheimer’s
Courtesy of Darlene McDonald
William McDonald of Washington died of Alzheimer’s disease on July 14, 2022, at the age of 73.
Courtesy of Darlene McDonald
William McDonald with his granddaughter, Piper
Courtesy of Darlene McDonald
Celebrating a wedding day are, from left, Darlene McDonald, Jon Messmer, Theresa Messmer and William McDonald.
Courtesy of Darlene McDonald
William McDonald with his wife, Darlene
Darlene McDonald still becomes emotional talking about her husband, William’s, battle with Alzheimer’s disease.
Her daughter, Theresa Messmer, recalls leaving her job as a certified nursing assistant to serve as the primary caregiver for her father.
“I moved back home and it was a 24-hour job,” Messmer said. “There were days that were upsetting. He got to where he didn’t really know anyone and the Alzheimer’s really took effect. It was rough watching him.”
William McDonald of Washington died from the disease July 14 at the age of 73.
The McDonalds are among the caregivers for whom Alzheimer’s disease or dementia has exacted its toll.
The recently released Alzheimer’s Disease Facts and Figures report shows that 59% of unpaid caregivers report emotional stress and 39% report physical stress in caring with a loved one suffering from the disease.
Dementia caregivers report higher rates of chronic conditions such as stroke, heart disease, diabetes and cancer compared to caregivers of people without dementia or non-caregivers. In Pennsylvania, 56% of caregivers reported at least one chronic condition and 13% report frequent poor health.
“When you think about the impact it has on the care provider, it’s that duration of the disease,” explained Sara Murphy, vice president of programs and services for the Greater Pennsylvania Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association. “It’s that physical and emotional stress that happens from day one of the diagnosis and continuation of it that stands out from other diseases. The duration of the disease and the progression of it really compounds why this is amplified for caregivers and their health.”
McDonald, of Washington, said her husband began to change in December 2021. He was taken to the VA Hospital in Oakland for testing, where he failed a cognitive test.
“He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s,” she said. “They said he had it for years. We just never picked up on it.”
To allow her mother to continue working at the Washington Health System, Messmer left her job. She and her family already had moved in with her parents a month before her father’s diagnosis to save money to buy a house.
In her previous job as a CNA, Messmer worked with patients with similar conditions as her father.
“There definitely is a difference from working with them and it being your own parent,” she said. “It was hard watching him go from somebody who’s mobile and would eat like he was supposed to. We couldn’t get him out of the house. He just deteriorated really bad. The worst was nighttime. That’s when he was more confused.”
Messmer said she her dad had more good days than bad. She recalled how she became the only person her father would trust, but she often did not meet with his approval.
“He’d fire me like every five minutes,” she recalled fondly. “Then he’d want something and I would tell him that he fired me. He would say, ‘You’re rehired.'”
McDonald said it was extremely difficult watching her husband’s memory fade. He could remember his grandchildren nor did he recall buying the housewhere they lived for 30 years. Messmer said her father did not want to eat hospital food for fear that it was poisoned.
“It’s definitely heartbreaking,” McDonald said. “You try to talk to him and he doesn’t remember.”
A Vietnam veteran, he would speak about his time serving in the war during his illness, something he did not do often during their 42 years of marriage.
As her husband’s final days approached, McDonald chose to bring him home.
“I didn’t want him to die in the nursing home,” she said.
McDonald is buried at Forest Lawn Gardens in McMurray, where Messmer now works after being offered a job there shortly after her father died.
“I get to see my dad every day,” she said. “I couldn’t ask for anything better. If I want to go down and talk to my dad, I can.”
Messmer said her father’s death remains stressful for her mother and her brother, William. She admitted how hard it was to watch her dad deteriorate from the disease, but she does not regret being a part of it.
“I’m just glad I got that six months with my dad,” she said. “I would do it again in a heartbeat.”