Adjusting to college life takes time
Q. I’ve been at college almost a week and I’m still anxious. I thought I’d feel better by now. There are so many new people and strange experiences. Getting used to a roommate is the easiest part, and that’s not easy. I’m happy with my college choice. I’m excited about my major, but adjusting is harder than I thought it would be. It’s not like I’m a stranger to independence. I’ve held a job since I was 16 and played several high school sports. My mom asks me all the time if I’m okay and I say I’m fine. I don’t want to worry her. When will I feel better/? – 18-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: You just took the first step to feeling better by reaching out to someone. I’m glad you did. I’m here and I’ll continue to talk with you as long as you need. What you’re feeling isn’t uncommon. Moving away from home is a rite of passage in our culture. There’s an expectation that leaving home for school will be easier than it is. I’m sure if you had an open conversation with some of those “new people” you would discover they felt as you do. Stress is real, even when it comes from a positive change. Connecting with others will help. Start with your roommate. Be honest, respectful and empathic. Invite a conversation by asking how your roommate is adjusting and go from there.
Before we talk about other ways for you to cope, may I suggest an important connection. Tell your mom the truth. Mothers worry. Trust me, not telling your mom how you feel does not take away her concerns for you. I recommend arranging regular phone calls. Your mom probably knows you’re uneasy; she raised you, remember? Instead of responding to her queries with “I’m fine,” share how you really feel. Her support will mean a lot.
There are several proven ways to handle anxiety. Here are a few:
Recognize your anxiety. Awareness can diminish its power over you.
Use relaxation techniques. Have you tried 4-7-8 breathing? The method follows a specific timing pattern:
Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds.
Hold your breath for 7 seconds.
Exhale through your mouth, pursing your lips, for 8 seconds (making a soft “whoosh” sound).
This cycle is repeated three to four times, and you can do it anywhere, anytime — sitting, lying down, or standing — as long as you maintain the ratio.
Get involved at your new school. Join clubs, interact with others, find intramural sports, volunteer your time.
Stay active physically.
Monitor screen time. Avoid doom-scrolling.
Be aware of unhealthy coping habits like overindulging in food or alcohol/drugs. These habits may ease anxiety temporarily by masking it but will do more harm in time.
Seek support. College campuses have centers for mental health and support. Don’t be afraid to seek out yours. Counseling does not mean you’re broken; it means you’re wise enough to know you could use support.
I know you can problem-solve, since you connected with me. Continue taking care of yourself. You are a person of great worth. I asked some of our alumni to respond to your concerns. Good luck.
Peer Educator Alumni Response: Every one of us felt as you do when we first started, and each of us adjusted well. Mary Jo’s suggestions are good ones. We have another. Stop beating yourself up. Adjusting to a big change like going to college requires a lot of resilience. Give yourself credit. You’re doing it. You were wise enough to reach out to someone. Keep seeking support. Enjoy this time – it’s an important part of your life.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.