Aug 22, 2024 4 min read

Q. Is it normal to feel so anxious I can hardly sleep? I leave for college soon. I’m a first-generation college student. My parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and the ladies at church are all so very proud of me. I worked hard to get here. I set a goal of graduating with honors, and I was inducted into NHS junior year. I wrote so many essays, I accumulated as many scholarships as I could. I applied to only a few colleges to save the application fees and got into my first choice. I think part of my sleeplessness is pure excitement. I truly cannot wait to get started. I also do too many “what ifs” (do you remember teaching us about “what ifs”?). I think what if I don’t make friends? What if I’ve picked the wrong path of study? What if I miss my family too much? What if I sleep in? My mom wakes me up now. What if the classes are too hard? See why I’m awake at night! – 18-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: Congratulations! Add me to the list of people who are very proud of you.

I too was a first-generation college student. Neither of my parents finished high school. My parents instilled in me a love of education that inspires me to this day, but I understand the kind of pressure you’re feeling.

Yes, it’s normal to feel anxious about a major life change like going to college. I smiled when you mentioned learning about “what ifs” with me. Trying to stay grounded in the present can help with anxiety.

I think you know the answers to your concerns:

You will make friends – be a good friend and it will happen. Listen to others. Be genuinely interested in them.

You have time to confirm your major – it’s OK to change your mind.

Of course you’ll miss your family. Try talking or Facetiming with them at the end of the day to help you unwind. You will also have new adventures to keep you busy.

Practice waking to an alarm. Most students sleep in once or twice and learn quickly to waken.

Your academic record proves you can handle a college load. Take it one day at a time, one assignment at a time, one test at a time. The semester will be over quickly, trust me.

I’d like you to offer you a few hints to help you sleep now:

Find a place where you feel comforted. Make sure you feel safe. Plan to take comfort items to school with you – like a blanket or pillow from home. Sleep with them now.

Develop a nighttime routine. Tea, warm milk, a light snack, listening to music, reading a good book, saying prayers, doing meditation – all these things can help your mind wind down from the day. Establish a regular sleep time.

Stop using electronics before bed or when you wake up. No phones, no computers. I know this is difficult, but your mind “wakes up” when you start using devices.

Learn a basic breathing technique for relaxation. The 4-7-8 breathing technique involves breathing in for 4 seconds, holding the breath for 7 seconds, and exhaling for 8 seconds. Try it – it’s calming.

I have faith in you. Believe in yourself. You’ve got this!

I sought out a recent college graduate alumnus for wisdom. She said, “I felt exactly as you do when I went away to school! My high school senior year was the pandemic year, so I felt socially awkward. Then, my first semester in college we masked. I thought about quitting a dozen times the first month, but I’m so glad I stuck it out. I’m starting grad school soon and I am excited and proud. I wish I could tell freshman me that all the things I worried about would pass. Not everything was perfect, but I found I was strong and resilient. I believe you will discover you are as well. Good luck. Keep talking with Dr. P. She’s a great listener!”

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.