Jan 25, 2024 3 min read

Q. When am I going to be able to drive in the snow? I know I’m a relatively new driver, I’ve been driving six months, but how am I going to learn if I never get a chance? I’m not a risk taker. I follow my parents’ rules. I’m dependable and confident and responsible. All I want is a chance to learn. My parents are so worried about me driving in the snow, it’s making me unreasonably frightened. It’s not like I want to drive to Pittsburgh on 79. I would just like a chance to drive near our home and school. My parents look at the forecast and ground me from driving if there’s even the possibility of a flurry. How else can I learn? – 16-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: While your challenge is about driving in the snow, it’s really about independence and growing up.

There are two times in a child’s life where the push for autonomy is strong – toddlerhood and adolescence. In both, parents need to make choices and set the tone for development. In the 1990s, I taught a series of classes for teens and parents called Reaching for Adulthood. My goal was to enhance communication during this often-confusing time.

When you were born, your parents were charged with protecting and teaching you. Parenting is a series of on-the-spot decisions, made without knowing how a developing human will react. The protection aspect is huge. Your parents have watched you grow and guided you to this point. When they look at you now, sometimes they see a mature 16-year-old who is dependable, confident, and responsible. Other times, in their memory, they see a newborn, a 2-year-old, and a first-grader. They need to balance their need to ease you into independence with their desire to keep you safe.

You raise excellent points. Learning to drive in the snow is an important life skill. I suggest a conversation with your parents where you offer your reasons for learning. Perhaps if you approached this in small steps it would be easier. Your parents could take you to a parking lot during the next light snow to start. You could build up to deeper snow and ice. You are correct – there are techniques for winter driving that can be lifesaving. There are also driver’s education classes where other adults are paid to teach you.

I appreciate your desire to be more independent. Balance your desire with respect for your parents’ need to protect you from harm, and you’ll develop empathy for their experience. One day, you may decide to be a parent; if you take on this role, I believe you will truly understand.

Good luck. Drive safely and have fun reaching for adulthood.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.